Advice about GF's kid?

Yukon Cornelius

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One thing you need to understand, is he’s an immigrant. So, might have a different culture. He could not know what Is expected of him.
What is your relationship with him like? How long have you been in a relationship with his mom? And why call the army recruiter. That may not be what he wants. How is his English?
 

jolemons

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I should make you a list of all of the incredibly stupid things that I did when I was his age. I'm sure he won't have anything on me.

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LightFoot

LightFoot

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One thing you need to understand, is he’s an immigrant. So, might have a different culture. He could not know what Is expected of him.
What is your relationship with him like? How long have you been in a relationship with his mom? And why call the army recruiter. That may not be what he wants. How is his English?
I thought he and I had a good relationship... good enough that he could tell me things. I have taken him hunting and spend time with him. Only been seeing mom for a few months but knew each other before. His English is good. My Spanish is good.

I am retired Army and he has been so interested. He talks about joining and not at my provocation. Thinking he would benefit from joining. It was also something his mom asked me to do but I haven't yet.

>>>----JAKE----->
 

Rob5589

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I'd be irritated but, certainly not the end of the world. You can definitely tell you do not have kids. If that's the worst thing he's ever done you're in great shape.
 

GHOSTofWENDELL

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Dating his mom for a couple months. Pushing him to join the service because he "broke your trust". Get a grip dude. Way overstepping your boundaries. BTW I've been in the service for a decade, so no military hate here.
 

sndmn11

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I grew up fatherless, so that is the perspective of my advice.

You cannot have expectations if you don't communicate them. It seems to me that he did not call you because he thought that was what he was supposed to do. He has 19 years of expectations, standards, norms, etc., that are not yours, and he is playing a guessing game if you don't make them known.

You are missing an opportunity to build a bridge and establish a relationship by assuming he should know things that you think are common knowledge. BE THE ADULT and think outside yourself, so that you can open up a dialogue with this young person to start building bridges that will help mold him into a young man. It would be a mistake to send him off to the military a stranger to you if your goal and expectation is to have a relationship with gf/mom years from now.
 

slick

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Just explain it like you would to a friend, he is an adult after all. Talk to him like one.

Tell him shit happens but the sooner it’s fessed up the sooner it gets fixed the less of an issue it is.


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LightFoot

LightFoot

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Dating his mom for a couple months. Pushing him to join the service because he "broke your trust". Get a grip dude. Way overstepping your boundaries. BTW I've been in the service for a decade, so no military hate here.
You are absolutely right!

Just hit me the wrong way. There were some other issues gaslighting me.

It isn't a big deal.

I just needed the reality check!

Thanks, y'all.

>>>----JAKE----->
 

007hunter

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Feb 22, 2020
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How long has his dad been out of the picture? I can only assume if he’s not been present for many years, he’s never had anyone to show/guide him in “man” things. I’d cut him some slack and try to use this as a learning experience.
 

GHOSTofWENDELL

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Montana
You are absolutely right!

Just hit me the wrong way. There were some other issues gaslighting me.

It isn't a big deal.

I just needed the reality check!

Thanks, y'all.

>>>----JAKE----->
I feel your frustration though man. Just had a supply line bust behind the drywall! Good on you for rethinking the situation. Have a good weekend.
 

Aces11

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Dec 19, 2018
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North Dakota
I wouldn’t think much of it. I did lots to irritate my parents and my son has irritated me. Let him know it’s ok to text you at work if something comes up next time. Show him how to turn off the water in case of an emergency situation. If your relationship is going to continue I am guaranteeing you it won’t be the last time he irritates you.
 

Don Qui Puncher

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Oct 14, 2017
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Boston Ma
sounds like some communication barrier almost, but if this is the worst thing that’s come up with a 19 year old count your blessings. Looking back on what I was doing at 19 is terrifying as a father now.
 

Rich M

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Jun 14, 2017
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Orlando
Too bad you closed out.

I married into 2 kids 22 yrs ago and the kids still have issues. Sucks really.
 
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