Am I out of line?

[conley417]

You could always find a new wife

 

[Shraggs]

It makes sense she'd be worked up over that. It's your first kid. Expectations change after the first one. But you'll have to pick and choose your battles.

I gave up a couple of hunts for my first kid to keep the peace. She 100% could have handled it but it was the principal of the matter and I wanted her to feel supported . Those first few weeks and months are not fun for new mom.

After three kids, (youngest is only a couple of months old) she's pushing me out the door to scout for my elk hunt this fall. Loves those elk burgers. In fact, she's chill about me hunting over the kids and her birthday or our anniversary.

I agree. Pick your battles, your priorities are going to change. You’ll grow back into a rhythm of hunting. At least it’s not Elk season!

Something to consider... being the first, SHE may have fears and doubts snd insecurity and needs you, but hasn’t said as much. We all process stress differently and maybe she just needs your presence as security. Be there...

As others have said you both will grow quickly with parenting and return to things like hunting.

 

[Pro953]

My advice is to not get relationship advice on a hunting forum

Bingo!

That said, take it easy on your wife. She has a lot of stress in her to grow and keep this baby alive, give birth, breast feed etc... all that plus the physical and hormonal changes.

To try and put some perspective on it, think if your career business was in chaos and or going down in a ball of flames and your wife started talking to you about a girls night or girls trip. You would probably look at her like she had three heads as well.

This is just my experience and my marriage, but I was in your shoes years ago and had a similar experience. All I can say is it added a lot of stress for a few months as I still went hunting but I felt guilty so I could not enjoy my trips as much. I took about a year off hunting and just fished locally on occasion, Mine are 7-10 now and I go away for around three weeks a year plus many day trip and she has no problem with it. It will get better, a lot better. The first few months can be rough, everyone is tired and the learning curve can be a challenge but watching the kids grow up and spending time with them is amazing.

Congrats and good luck!


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[elkyinzer]

No offense MuleyFever....but do not "take a stand". Your wife is probably just freaking out. You have until March. Once the kid is here, it will be fine. This is one of those pick your battle times and if I was you, I would shut up about it until the time comes. Guaranteed your wife is going to be fine and you will still be turkey hunting.

Listen to this guy.

First kid, not a whole lot the guy can do at times. Second is where the work kicks in for dad.

Forgiveness often does come easier than permission at least for me. Ultimately though communication and compassion win the day.

 

[Azone]

Ask for permission or beg for forgiveness. I’m lucky in that my wife loves to hunt and fish, so the only grief I usually get is when I want to go by myself and be left alone. One day is not the end of the world and after a few weeks of being around each other non stop, space from each other will be a good thing. Watch out for the mother in law, that will be a two against one argument that will never end well. Hope all goes well with the pregnancy.

 

[Azone]

Do not get in an argument with a pregnant woman.

There’s some very good advice right there.

 

[brettdunn7]

Not out of line at all as long as you are otherwise doing your part with the newborn, house, etc. sweeten the deal for her and give her a spa day and watch the kid all day. If she doesn’t give you a day of hunting after that, well I’d be thinking about a new wife lol. No jk


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[archp625]

I'm with others. Wait until the child comes then have the discussion. My son was born on March 27 and I decided to not turkey hunt. When duck season came I was able to hunt. A year an a half later I was leaving for Wyoming for a few days to chase pronghorn. How 2 and a half years later I will be leaving for Montana. It will get better and I wouldn't take a stand. That gets you no where.

 

[Curoso]

I think you’re good. You should be able to take a day or two to do what you enjoy as should she. The first kid is rough. You can read all the books and get all the info you can and still be out of sorts. Parenting is a team effort. You both should be on the same page though.

I might be too lucky but my wife approved me to do my archery hunt after our second is here. He’s due 8/16 and my tag is from 8/10-9/09. I wouldn’t go if she didn’t want me too and I offered to turn my tag in but she knows that if I get some time to do what I want she’ll get some time to do what she wants.

Best of luck to you

 

[Lawnboi]

Your thinking of taking a stand for a freakin turkey?

 

[stonewall]

No offense MuleyFever....but do not "take a stand". Your wife is probably just freaking out. You have until March. Once the kid is here, it will be fine. This is one of those pick your battle times and if I was you, I would shut up about it until the time comes. Guaranteed your wife is going to be fine and you will still be turkey hunting.

this

Be extra good until the time comes, and then test the waters.

 

[chasewild]

This is such a timely thread for me as my wife and I are expecting our first on Colorado opening week. A little different than turkeys, but maybe turkeys are your life.

I will tell you that when we found out, after two years of trying, the FIRST thing I realized was that the simplicity and elegance of our life was forever gone. But after considerable intentional thinking about our new life, every day I became increasingly excited with learning how to handle all of the challenges of a baby in the mountains. F*CK YES that's exciting. However, simultaneously with all of this, I feared hunting would be shelved. The common narrative for moms and dads is that "you are parent only. your former self is dead."

I resent, deeply, any statement that you now have to become a completely different person and forego the constitutional elements that make you who you are. That's not to say your old priorities won't change or evolve or meld with your new priorities, but any rigid implication that you are suddenly someone different is absurd, myopic, and in my opinion, potentially unhealthy.

My wife and I have talked about this issue ad nausea. Granted, she is also a hunter, but she has no qualms missing a hunting season. But she understands that hunting is not a hobby, or a past time or a sport, etc. It's genetic and a core component of who I am and what my family has evolved doing (our baby will be generation number 6). So, through deep introspection and conversation with her, we've both realized that my singular mission is my baby and my wife, but we've both come to the conclusion that everyone will compromise, must compromise somewhere, to preserve the integrity and health of the family. For me, it's trying to kill a giant velvet muley.

Hope that helps. PM me any time -- It's been a deep struggle for me to reconcile the two roles.

 

[Wrench]

May you be blessed with the lack of post partum depression. If you think this sucks......you ain't seen nothing yet.

 

[mobilefamily]

Perfectly normal to think it.

Absolutely foolish to say it.

Wait until the kid is on the ground and healthy. Then go turkey hunting. Her stress level will decrease significantly once you are back home from the hospital and fall into a routine.

Our daughter was born in July. I have less than a week old pics of her next to a stringer of fish I caught. My wife is exceptionally cool though.

 

[TheGDog]

I had to wait 38 long a** years before I finally got to have a kid. I had like 1.5 months of PTO just sitting there that I'd never use. Because of the risks involved for my wife, from a prior myomectomy to remove an 8cm Fibroid that was likely causing her miscarriages in her past before we met... and because I realistically determined that I really couldn't afford to do another child AND afford to pay for the house... plus I'd be IMHO too old, in fairness, for that next child... (I believe you should be able to rough-house with them!) I knew this was going to be my one-and-only. So... I took a full month off on PTO so I could help Mama and be with the baby, especially since for her they'd HAVE to do C-Section because they don't want them going thru labor and possibly ripping open and hemorrhage where that prior myomectomy surgery suture had occurred.

Dude... especially since this is your first child... don't be dumb... spend that time with Mama and the Baby. You'll NEVER get back any of that baby time with them. And that Baby Time is GOLD! You don't know what the future will bring. If for some reason you couldn't have another kid, you'd kick yourself in the butt about not spending that time man.

There will ALWAYS be time to fart around and go Turkey Hunting later. Also?.. She'll remember that you stayed with her during this time. That will score you MAJOR brownie points man. And?... She'll chirp like a happy little bird to all her friends about how you chose to pass on it and spend the time with them. That will make her feel like a queen, again, MAJOR brownie points for you man.

EDIT: Ya always gotta think of the long game, man. Not the short game.

 

[Bubba94]

I would do as others have said and leave it be until after the baby comes. Guaranteed, things will work themselves out. First time mothers tend to be more high strung because they don't know what to expect. Congrats on soon becoming a new father.

 

[Bubba94]

I had to wait 38 long a** years before I finally got to have a kid. I had like 1.5 months of PTO just sitting there that I'd never use. Because of the risks involved for my wife, from a prior myomectomy to remove an 8cm Fibroid that was likely causing her miscarriages in her past before we met... and because I realistically determined that I really couldn't afford to do another child AND afford to pay for the house... plus I'd be IMHO too old, in fairness, for that next child... (I believe you should be able to rough-house with them!) I knew this was going to be my one-and-only. So... I took a full month off on PTO so I could help Mama and be with the baby, especially since for her they'd HAVE to do C-Section because they don't want them going thru labor and possibly ripping open and hemorrhage where that prior myomectomy surgery suture had occurred.

Dude... especially since this is your first child... don't be dumb... spend that time with Mama and the Baby. You'll NEVER get back any of that baby time with them. And that Baby Time is GOLD! You don't know what the future will bring. If for some reason you couldn't have another kid, you'd kick yourself in the butt about not spending that time man.

There will ALWAYS be time to fart around and go Turkey Hunting later. Also?.. She'll remember that you stayed with her during this time. That will score you MAJOR brownie points man. And?... She'll chirp like a happy little bird to all her friends about how you chose to pass on it and spend the time with them. That will make her feel like a queen, again, MAJOR brownie points for you man.

Preach man!

 

[Bubblehide]

I could write pages on this but I will keep it short. This is not about your wife controlling you. This is about your wife wanting you bonded to your child and your child bonded to you. This is what it boils down to.

 

[MTtrout]

Some good (and not so good) advice already mentioned above. I wouldn’t sweat it now and have a hard time thinking you wouldn’t get the green light for a day when the time comes. I have and have had friends take off much more than a day around that first part of baby’s life. Only YOU know your wife though and everyone’s situation is different... Sleep will be a big factor for mom and my advice would be to have some family or friends available to watch baby so she can get some much needed rest while you are gone. Congrats to you two!

 

[Molon Labe]

Skip it. Just a turkey hunt.
Time with your first newborn kid is probably the best time you will experience in your entire life.