Apologizing- why is it so difficult?

[bozeman]

Lost my cool at work last Friday.....total meltdown (worked here for 11 years now, first time to do this)........had to apologize to a co-worker......man that hurts.....I guess its just my pride and ego with no constraint. Praying for a better week.

 

[Warmsy]

Because personal growth isn't easy.

 

[JoshOR]

Good on you for apologizing, not easy. Pride and ego. Time to move forward.

 

[IsThisHeaven]

Most people refuse to acknowledge they were wrong. They just go down with the ship. Willingness to admit you were wrong and apologizing is one thing that separates smart people from dumb people.

 

[Dos Perros]

Apologizing got a lot easier for me in my 30’s, even late 30’s. You know what? I’m not perfect, neither are you. TBH I’d rather have an employee or teammate that gives a shit enough to lose it, but can calm down and apologize and move forward. That adds credibility and trustworthiness, IMO.

I don’t know if you have kids, but if you do I think it’s healthy for them to see mom and dad apologizing from time to time.

 

[ODB]

Are you a Capricorn by any chance?

Apologizing is damn hard. But I think it’s a learned trait and the more you do it (when necessary only), it gets easier.

I remind my kid that an apology is only half of the work though, the other is acceptance by the person you are apologizing to. Often times people hold an apology over someone’s head as leverage. That’s as bad (or worse) than not apologizing.

Good on you for stepping up, move on, learn, etc. An honest apology is very liberating, when it comes down to it. It allows you to take a breath, make peace with yourself and those around you, and grow a bit.

 

[Tod osier]

Lost my cool at work last Friday.....total meltdown (worked here for 11 years now, first time to do this)........had to apologize to a co-worker......man that hurts.....I guess its just my pride and ego with no constraint. Praying for a better week.

I'm always apologizing to my wife, it is easy - lotta practice, I guess.

Beyond the wife where you know what you will get basically, you just gotta man up an apologize when warranted and accept the consequences.

As a reference to why people are hesitant, I'll share a story... I pissed off a sister in law once while throwing a totally justified fit at her husband (while justified, my delivery may have been over the top). When I apologized to her she took that moment of weakness on my part to tell me what a horrible person I was, that I was a bad parent, a bad dog owner and that the rest of the family agrees that I'm horrible... on and on...

 

[CorbLand]

As a reference to why people are hesitant, I'll share a story... I pissed off a sister in law once while throwing a totally justified fit at her husband (while justified, my delivery may have been over the top). When I apologized to her she took that moment of weakness on my part to tell me what a horrible person I was, that I was a bad parent, a bad dog owner and that the rest of the family agrees that I'm horrible... on and on...

I think this plays a major role in why its "hard" to apologize. Most people that you are apologizing to take the opportunity to keep kicking you while you are down.

I have never found it hard to apologize, I have found it hard to deal with peoples reaction to when someone is apologizing.

 

[Newtosavage]

Lost my cool at work last Friday.....total meltdown (worked here for 11 years now, first time to do this)........had to apologize to a co-worker......man that hurts.....I guess its just my pride and ego with no constraint. Praying for a better week.

Good on you.

A deacon at our parish often talks about the origin of all seven deadly sins being selfishness. I can't disagree with that. Us humans are flawed beings and often selfish.

Rarely do we look for opportunities to improve ourselves because that would require admitting we either don't know it all or don't always choose the right behavior.

 

[RS3579]

Good for you. It ain’t easy. I’ve unfortunately and fortunately had to apologize a number of times in my life. If you know your wrong it makes things much better for everyone. Unfortunately I’m waiting for others to apologize and I don’t think it’s happening.

 

[BobbyMac]

Man...you have some lucky co-workers. I seem to have to apologize weekly...It gets easier with practice!!
Good on you for making it right!

 

[Tesoro]

I need to sign up my wife for this thread

 

[bsnedeker]

Apologizing is very difficult for me, but it's because I have no experience with it as I've never been wrong before.

 

[Maverick1]

Lost my cool at work last Friday.....total meltdown (worked here for 11 years now, first time to do this)........had to apologize to a co-worker......man that hurts.....I guess its just my pride and ego with no constraint. Praying for a better week.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

 

[bozeman]

My co-worker was quite gracious.....made it even worse. SMH....

 

[go_deep]

My co-worker was quite gracious.....made it even worse. SMH....

Willing to eat humble pie and apologize is a sign of a real man.

 

[CWayne121]

I don't fully trust someone until we've gotten into a spat and I've seen how they react in the moment and afterwards. How a person handles themselves determines if they become a friend or stay an acquaintance.

 

[journeyman713]

 

[Sccritterkiller]

It gets easier with age...it was hard for me in my 20s...now in my 40s I have let me ego go and it's much easier. Like said above personal growth is not easy. Recognizing it and making up for it is the 1st step...like anything it gets easier with practice.

 

[Mt Al]

Good on you, it's hard. However, overcoming a bad situation often leads to a better future than if nothing happened at all. I have an employee who calls it "horrible, but necessary friction to move forward" and get off the dime of unspoken problems.

I lost it on two people in a 'related' organization a few years ago. My apology wasn't just because I was stupid and wrong, I thought what the future would look like if I didn't apologize and didn't like it at all. So I called, asked for 10 minutes with both of them, I walked in and they were fuming mad and I told them both I lost my cool, was very sorry, I was in the wrong (I was...) and that I hoped they would give me time to prove that this won't happen again. They were both very cool and understanding and things are much better today.