Best kid one liners

Geewhiz

WKR
Joined
Aug 6, 2020
Messages
2,024
Location
SW MT
A couple days after a family move night watching Home Alone, my wife took my 5 y/o daughter and 3 y/o daughter to the grocery store. They are standing in the checkout line and my wife overhears my oldest daughter tell the younger “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a$$!”
“Is this toothbrush approved by the American dental association?” No idea why out of all the home alone one-liners, that’s the one that I always chuckle about. That and, “no clothes on anyone, sickening!”. 🤣🤣
 

Zsyacsure

FNG
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
33
Location
Idaho
Last summer we got back from a camping trip with my wife and two kids. We were with some folks who drop their few share of F bombs no matter if there’s young kids or not. My 4 year old daughter like to help drop the camper and unload the truck with me as we almost have everything unloaded she’s standing on the tailgate looking into the bed of my truck and says “dad your truck is F**king dirty”
My wife and I just looked at each other shaking our heads trying not to laugh.
 
Joined
Aug 17, 2015
Messages
1,962
Location
Iowa
A couple days after a family move night watching Home Alone, my wife took my 5 y/o daughter and 3 y/o daughter to the grocery store. They are standing in the checkout line and my wife overhears my oldest daughter tell the younger “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a$$!”

My kid just told his sister the other day that she's "what the French call 'les incompentents'".
 
Joined
Apr 8, 2014
Messages
524
My brother in law was telling my 13 yo nephew that they were expecting another baby. The nephew asked if they were trying to have more kids, and my BIL said no (it was unexpected). My nephew is quit for a minute and says "oh, so it was just for fun?"
 

WoodBow

WKR
Joined
Jul 21, 2015
Messages
1,744
Our 3 year old daughters vocabulary and phrases exploded when she started in a parents day out program. She has managed to confuse the terms "you are getting on my nerves" and "you are driving me nuts". She says " you are getting on my nuts". I love it.
 
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Pacific_Fork

Well Known Rokslider
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
1,101
Location
North Idaho
My 2.5 year old said something to me yesterday and thought of this thread.

While changing her clothes I had my shirt off in the house, she looked at my bare chest and pointed at my nipple and asked “What’s that?” I said “well that’s my man nipple” in which she replied “looks like salami!” I lol’d so hard it made her upset.
 
Joined
May 26, 2022
Messages
303
I play this game with my cat sometimes where I swipe at him with my bare hands to play and see how many times I can do it before he gets me with his claws and draws blood. Anyway, I call it "Kitty-Cat blood sport" and my wife thinks I am an idiot but my cat enjoys it. Anyway, a few weeks ago we are at PetCo and my 5 year old Daughter looks at me and says, "Daddy, look there are some kittens over there, why dont you play kitty-cat blood sport?" We were in front of some people that kind of stared at me...
 

Billogna

Lil-Rokslider
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
166
Location
Central MO
We were loading up to go camping, getting tents, and sleeping gear together when my then 3 yo son blurts out, "don't forget to pack the 'freakin bags'!!!" His mom and I shared a few giggles over that one!! We call them that to this day!! If that kid had any idea... lol
 
Joined
Jul 20, 2014
Messages
931
Location
Kirtland, NM
Here’s another one that has stuck in our family. When my now 5 yr old daughter was potty training she just got done on the toilet and I asked her if she used toilet paper. She said “yep, I wiped my back bum and my front bum!”
 

ETtikka

WKR
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
537
Location
East Tennessee
When my son was 10ish, we were watching tv, a pharmaceutical commercial comes on , giving the typical warnings about this could cause issues with your heart, diabetes, Genitals, headaches, etc. my son asked why can’t Gentiles like us take that Medicine?
 
Joined
Jun 6, 2013
Messages
1,112
Location
IL
I was out for a bike ride with our middle one who was, I think, ten at the time.

There’s a raised railroad bed that we cross at one point on the trail. I sped up and powered up the twelve feet or so of loose stone and dismounted jauntily at the top. My foot hit the loose stones and plowed a few feet down the side of the raised bed and then caught and stopped, but my momentum continued and I dumped hard onto the ground against a bush at the bottom of the raised bed, next to the trail.

I looked up at the ten year old who was looking down at me with concern.

“Dad. How many people do you think have stopped here and peed on that spot?”
 
Joined
Jul 27, 2021
Messages
1,422
When our son was a toddler we took him to a parade, it was a big one and full of fire engines, as they passed with the lights on and such, he would get really excited and pointing and yelling Fire F@@@s. Other folks were looking at him as the wife and I attempted to tell him they are fire trucks. So, he replies with a yep Fire f@@@s. He is now 45 years old and if are somewhere and there's a fire truck I point and yell Fire f@@@s. Being a parent is a wonderful thing especially since you can embarrass the older children and grand kids.
 
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