Convincing your wife

AKBorn

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Aug 14, 2018
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Maryland
I’ve got 4 younger kids and besides the communication part the most important thing I ever did was freezer meals. Every year before season starts, I spend about. 12 hours in the kitchen making a freezer meal for every night I am gone. Evenings are the toughest for her with the kids, so this is a huge deal. I made 32 meals for her this year and pretty much exhausted all my game meat except for ground elk. The first year I did it, she cried her eyes out because she was so touched by the gesture. It’s a little thing for me, but a huge thing for her.

I am sure the meals you froze were great - but nowhere near as great as showing her that you understood the workload she would have with you gone, and you wanted to help with it in advance. That's priceless.
 

cjdewese

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Sep 8, 2020
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Like others have said, communication and a way for her to know you are OK are probably the most important.

If hunting is a thing that makes up part of who you are she should understand how important it is to you. That should not have to come at the price of her worrying the entire time. A little communication goes a very very long way.

For me, I asked my wife all the things she worried about while I was out and how I can manage those fears for her so that it isn't as scary of a thing to her. I have spent a ton of time alone in the woods since I was a kid but to her, someone who hasn't, that is a very scary proposition.

The more trips you go on where there are no issues and you held up your end of the bargain the more trust and freedom you will start to build.
 

Poser

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Durango CO
You need to figure out a way to do this without having to negotiate for it. She needs to want this for you because it’s something that you intrinsically desire and because you are capable of doing without anything more than an inconvenience to the rest of the family and your happiness if worth at least that. Assuming your provisions are in order to provide for your family, If you have to negotiate for happiness, then you have bigger problems than not going hunting. If she doesn’t your value your happiness, you are nothing more than a workhorse.
 

wind gypsy

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Dec 30, 2014
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Like others have said, a bunch of internet strangers don't know your family dynamic. Does she not like the idea because she's concerned for your safety? She doesn't trust you? Or because she doesn't think you should be able to spend the time and money on yourself?

I can see this being more difficult for folks in relationships that didn't have a week of solo trips or western hunts included from the beginning. My wife to be met me on an online dating app where my profile pic was from a solo elk hunt (with llamas of course, chicks love llamas :cool: ). It would be selfish of her to expect me to stop.
 

TheCougar

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Fort Worth, TX
I am sure the meals you froze were great - but nowhere near as great as showing her that you understood the workload she would have with you gone, and you wanted to help with it in advance. That's priceless.

Yeah, when she cried, I thought it was because she was so happy about the meals. It was the thought and effort that I put into the meals that made her happier than the actual meals themselves. Empathy goes a long way in a marriage!
 

Squincher

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Jan 25, 2020
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Midwest
Appreciate all the feedback! Yeah definitely been thinking of picking up an inreach. This year I’m trying to do a weekend up in the National forest so hopefully that will be a small step. I guess she can be clingy at times. Yes I’m sure she would appreciate knowing I’m safe. We do have two young kids at home so I know handling them and working is tough. My parents are always there to help though I could arrange for that as well. I do agree that I feel that me doing hunts will help my mental well being. And if she would not let me go or giving me a hard time about it will definitely make me give her some sort of resentment and that’s not what I want to do nor would I do it on purpose. Most of the time we’re always doing things what she wants to do. She’s always planning things with friends to do which I could do mostly with out doing so much.. but it’s what she wants. I would say I pull my weight around the house picking daughter up from school. I’m the cook also so sometimes when I’m not there she has a hard time we’ll see.. I’ll make it work!

The last half of this post makes me think it wouldn't be the end of the world if you just went and she wasn't there when you got back.
 

swampthing

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Mar 9, 2019
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prince george british columbia
I was a solo hunter before I met my wife so it was just normal to her. Tell her you need to go solo to get back to your roots as a man and provider. My job is high stress and I hunt solo to "reset" myself. I do pack an inreach but never check in as that takes away the "solo" part of it for me. I did send her a message on my recent 10 day hunt. She never replied. When I got home she asked " what was that all about" !
 

cuttiebrownbow

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Feb 13, 2019
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Can’t speak for other people’s relationships but I am very clear from the beginning of any relationship that I take trips and that I am not around the house much from September through mid December due to hunting.

My girlfriend - soon to be fiancé and then wife - have discussed wedding dates at great length and she isn’t too happy on limited dates because she really wants a September wedding. I just point out that I would like to spend our anniversaries together because they are important as well but we will be spending them apart almost every year if she decides to make our wedding in September.

She gets it now, kinda. After almost four years I don’t come home to tears and wraith anymore.

No trips in September this year but from October 1 until thanksgiving she will only see me a maximum of 15 days


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

2ski

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Jul 17, 2012
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Bozeman
Lastly, get a device sooner than later. You can start using it on hunts and hikes. She will get accustomed to you checking in.

Build the trust/confidence now.

I take it on road trips. Nice to have especially in the those dead spots with no cell reception.

This is great advice. You can't wave a magic wand and make it happen. You have to build her comfort up. Get her used to this and you may have a winner.

Also, I've only read the first page of posts so I don't know if its been touched on, but wanted to say this: you need to get it out of your head that you would resent her if you didn't go because you do stuff that she plans. She's worried about your safety man. Its not the same thing. You have to tell yourself that and not view it the other way. Thats the little kid inside you talking. I'm not criticizing. We all have to be reminded from time to time not to let the little kid lead us astray.
 
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2ski

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I'm the one who said to make sure he's pulling his weight at home so I'll respond.

Everyone's got a different home life and different situation going on (young kids, no kids, grown kids, wife's a stay-at-home mom, wife works full time, grandparents around that help with kids, etc). But I see plenty of posts from younger guys who say "My wife and I both work full time and we have 3 young kids at home but I just wanna go hunting and do what I want and she's kinda bitchy about me leaving her alone, how do I make her stop being bitchy about that?", and then they seem confused.

I'm not saying that's the deal with the guy who started this thread; I don't know him or his situation, just saying that I've seen it plenty.

So my advice is always to make sure they're being a solid husband and father, leading their family and getting their shit taken care first. Work hard, play hard. If they're doing that already, great, but a lot of guys do the bare minimum and then expect to be treated like they're doing the maximum.

And I also know plenty of guys who divorced, only see their kids every other weekend, but well at least they get to go hunt now whenever they want without the old ball-and-chain bitching at them. Everyone gets to make their own decisions about how they want to approach it.

Great advice. It also strikes me at how many people get on and say something like, "I want try to go solo this year and my wife doesn't want me to". They've never gone solo so there's no background. Have they even been hunting that long? Maybe their wife has reason to be worried. And then people get in with comments about telling her this or that. Most likely they just read about going solo in a magazine and found the forum. And they want to go solo?

Not saying that's the case with the OP. Some posts like this in general.
 

2ski

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Some people giving advice you wonder how many divorces they have on their hands. Or is the wife in a controlling relationship.

If you gave advice on this thread and think I'm talking about you and your advice, I'm not, so don't take it personally. I was talking about a different post. In generalities.
 

Scoot

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Nov 13, 2012
Messages
478
I'm in a faithful, caring, loving relationship with my wife. That said, my wife doesn't decide how I'll be doing my hunting trips. If I want to do a solo trip in the mountains, I'll do it. If she has concerns, we'll talk about it. I'll take an inreach, and I sometimes do, if she has concerns. I don't give her directions or details on what she can or can't do on a weekend trip with the girls and I don't expect her to tell me how to do a hunting trip. Other people have different types of relationships with their gals than me, but the basic idea that you need permission to do a particular type of hunting trip is a red flag IMO. This isn't a "can we afford you going on this trip?" issue and it's not a "can I deal with everything at home when you're gone?" issue- it's "do I approve/allow you to go on this kind of trip?" issue, which my wife doesn't get a vote on.
 

Jeremy00

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Sep 15, 2020
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Any advise on trying to convince your wife to let you go on solo out of state hunts? I’d like to try some solo mule deer hunting next year but the wife doesn’t seem to like the idea.. don’t really have any buddies that would be up for the task. But I’d like to go solo anyways. Any advice guys?
Why don't you take her along with you? It could be turned into an educational experience for her and you get to do your hunt as well.
 

Squincher

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Midwest
This is great advice. You can't wave a magic wand and make it happen. You have to build her comfort up. Get her used to this and you may have a winner.

Also, I've only read the first page of posts so I don't know if its been touched on, but wanted to say this: you need to get it out of your head that you would resent her if you didn't go because you do stuff that she plans. She's worried about your safety man. Its not the same thing. You have to tell yourself that and not view it the other way. Thats the little kid inside you talking. I'm not criticizing. We all have to be reminded from time to time not to let the little kid lead us astray.

Seems to me it is the little kid who allows his life to be run by "mommy wife." From what I've read in this thread, there are some guys who are going to find out a woman will eventually lose respect for a man who won't stand up for himself. And she will find a man who does.
 

Jake”0”

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Jun 26, 2020
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Waterville wa
I agree with the aforementioned advise I just got the inreach for my first high hunt even though I was going with a partner that eased the better half’s mind. Also the getting your house in order before you go was always a big help chores dishes laundry little shit so she feels better about me just taking off I wish I was a better cook then that aspect of it would pan out better. Good luck I hope you get to go
 

Ucsdryder

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Jan 24, 2015
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1,167
Yeah, when she cried, I thought it was because she was so happy about the meals. It was the thought and effort that I put into the meals that made her happier than the actual meals themselves. Empathy goes a long way in a marriage!

you sure she wasn’t crying out of joy you were leaving? ;)
 

Oregon

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May 15, 2018
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Oregon coast
Serious Dr Phil advice going on here! Let me provide more.

Just go. My goodness man, just go.

Easy for me to say because I’d never of married someone who would of even considered placing limitations on something that is such an integral part of my life.
 
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