Planned hunt with new baby coming

[Whisky]

It's one hunt out of hundreds and hundreds of hunts...just one hunt. If hunting is more important to you, own it.-WW

You sound like my wife.

 

[KBrangers]

If your wife is anything like mine then she wants you to go. BUT before you go I would premake some food an put it in the freezer. Go grocery shopping and buy her anything she might want/ need. And then spoil her when you get home

 

[woods89]

We have 4 children, 8,5,3, and 7 months. I went out of state hunting in November, when our youngest was 5 months.

None of us can give you the right answer here. It'll work with some couples and not with others. Time to do some very honest communication about it. If it looks like it will work acceptably, go, if not, don't. Make sure if you go that she knows how much you appreciate it, and not just from telling her.

I'm also in the camp of not quitting your own hobbies because you have children. An important lesson for them is that life is not all about them. There will be sacrifices for parents, for sure, but a lot of people over react, in my opinion.

Best of luck!

 

[Where's Bruce?]

Newborns are up a lot at night, it's draining. What if there are delivery complications, a C section (longer and more difficult recovery), or some health issue with your other kid or the infant post-birth? These are not normal times.
A good woman will tell you to go cuz she is a good woman. Are you worthy of her?
A husband and father makes a choice...be there for your family when you know they need you or don't and know you are less of a man. The price of clarity is the risk of insult. Can't believe you guys. Family first. This is a no-brainer.

 

[Kbhillhunter]

I second the ass busting part, both before and after the trip. If you have her support and you think it's genuine then just do everything you can to minimize the impact of your absence. The first trip I took after having our first son I also took extra steps to maintain communication with the home front during the trip as well.

You have the opportunity to set a precedent here and how you handle it could make things easier on you in the future.

 

[JFK]

Appreciate the advice guys.

 

[Braaap]

Appreciate the advice guys.

You’re a fireman? I say go. Fire wives are used to it like you said. Life is short, go for it.

 

[flatlanderhuffandpuff]

In my experience the second wasn't that much of a change for us. My wife is a stay at home mom so it's only in the evenings that they notice my absence.

I would make every effort to do all of your planning well in advance so you don't have the week before being consumed with packing and final planning. Be more helpful than you normally would. Make sure she has everything she could possibly need prior to you leaving. Groceries, diapers, butt paste, kids movies for jr. Maybe even arrange for a massage in you home for her while you're gone if that's her sort of thing.

Absolutely make sure you can be reached at all times and be ready to jet home at the drop of a hat. I've had to and the pre planning made a big difference.

And last but not least give her the final veto in case it is much harder than she thought it would be without making her feel resented.

 

[Marble]

I would go. I did the same exact thing you did. I remember carrying a picture of my daughter in my pocket and when I would sit down to glass, I would get it out and set it next to me.

I just found some pictures (real pictures) of me changing her diaper when she was 3 weeks old.

Ultimately, it's likely you'll have regrets no matter the choice. Just make the most of whatever decision you make and use that energy as motivation.

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

 

[butcherboy]

I have 3 kids. 10, 7, 4 years. I went elk hunting the day after we got home from the hospital with our first. My wife basically kicked me out of the house to go. I put that hunt off for two weeks because of the due date. Everything was fine so she told me to get out cause I was driving her crazy! Lol no hunts for the second one. The third one she was due the end of September and I had a first season archery hunt. She was on semi bed rest. The day before I was supposed to leave she went to the doc and everything was fine. I had bought an inreach in anticipation of maybe going. She told me to go since her mom lives about 500 yds from us, two brothers across our street, a sister that lived at home with my MIL. She would be well taken care of. If anything happened I would know about it asap and be home in about 1 1/2 hours. I was going to shoot the first elk that gave me a chance. Killed a small bull the first morning of the hunt and was home the same afternoon. Final baby girl was born two weeks later.

I know my SIL and MIL weren’t happy with me but I didn’t care because it was between me and my wife. She knew I was willing to stay but she also knew that I only get to go elk hunting about every 5 years when I draw a tag. She is 4 years old now and I haven’t drawn an elk tag since so I’m glad I went. Just be sure she really is good with you going and be sure to spoil the hell out of her before you go, when you get home, and for the rest of your life like you always should anyway.

 

[william schmaltz]

Give your wife and newborn every minute possible for at least the first 3-4 months. Leaving your exhausted wife with a 2 year old and a newborn just puts everyone at risk. For what? A damn elk?!?! If someone’s wife is “kicking them out” because they’ll drive her crazy, that’s on the man. Grow up, stop complaining, be a man, and step up to take care of your household.

I feel extremely strong about this. I won’t get into why, but I’ll just say I’ve lived every parent’s worse nightmare. I will post my story in the moose forum in the next couple weeks. Mostly because I’m sick of the terrible advice in these types of threads. Some regrets run much deeper than missing a few days of dirty diapers.

 

[butcherboy]

It was a joke about her kicking me out. Sorry if you have had a bad experience but you need to chill out about calling me and some of us childish, grow up, or not being a good husband or father. I take very good care of my household. You have no idea who I am or what I actually do for my family. How about you quit being a keyboard cowboy.

 

[woods89]

Give your wife and newborn every minute possible for at least the first 3-4 months. Leaving your exhausted wife with a 2 year old and a newborn just puts everyone at risk. For what? A damn elk?!?! If someone’s wife is “kicking them out” because they’ll drive her crazy, that’s on the man. Grow up, stop complaining, be a man, and step up to take care of your household.

I feel extremely strong about this. I won’t get into why, but I’ll just say I’ve lived every parent’s worse nightmare. I will post my story in the moose forum in the next couple weeks. Mostly because I’m sick of the terrible advice in these types of threads. Some regrets run much deeper than missing a few days of dirty diapers.

I think I remember you posting about this in another thread.

Whatever our different approaches to the subject of this thread, you have indeed lived every parents worst nightmare. I'm quite sure I would see many things through quite a different lense if I had gone through what you have. Wishing you peace and healing.

 

[HuntHarder]

Go unless your wife is the type that will make you feel bad after. Not all women are created equal, some handle kids or difficulty much easier than others. Some make mountains out of mole hills. I know mine has handled me being away just fine. Just as I have handled her being away. Kids are as difficult as you want to make them. If she says go, go..

 

[william schmaltz]

I assure you, I’m not part of the innocent party here. If I’m gonna call someone a bad father for hunting with a newborn at home, I can go look in the mirror. I had a Kodiak trip planned to start the day I kissed my healthy baby goodbye for the last time. I have a unique experience and I don’t wish it on anyone. And because of my experience, I see most of the advice here as absolutely terrible. Perspective can change and I find that people who have had to change their perspective are the people I choose to listen to the most.

A lot of the posts here are about guys being more scared of their wives than being concerned about being there for their newborn. I think most literature shows those first few months are the most important and if we can’t be there for them during that time, it’s going to be a long 18 years. It’s extremely unlikely that what happened to me happens to anyone else. I’m not so much saying that you need to be there in case something happens; I’m saying be there because I think it’s the right thing to do.

Good luck in searching for your decision.

 

[Trial153]

I’d go.

 

[WCB]

Newborns are up a lot at night, it's draining. What if there are delivery complications, a C section (longer and more difficult recovery), or some health issue with your other kid or the infant post-birth? These are not normal times.
A good woman will tell you to go cuz she is a good woman. Are you worthy of her?
A husband and father makes a choice...be there for your family when you know they need you or don't and know you are less of a man. The price of clarity is the risk of insult. Can't believe you guys. Family first. This is a no-brainer.

I didn't see anybody here say go no matter what...of course if there are issues cancel but just cancel all the time because something "could" happen is no way to live. 1 and 2 year olds can be up a lot at night and be draining. My advice of just go... is of course if everything else is in line...I would say that is 95% true of everyone else that said the same thing.

Both my girls slept 4+ hours at a time woke up ate and went back to sleep and weren't up a lot. In general I know that isn't the case but each scenario is different and each couple is different the OP knows best the rest are suggestions based off experience.

 

[Where's Bruce?]

I sympathize with you. Empathize actually. My second child was diagnosed with Pertussis (Whooping Cough), RSV and Pneumonia at 6 weeks of age. She was one of four babies exposed by an illegal alien. The CDC tracks this stuff carefully so that's how we know the source. My daughter was the sole survivor. Most often the infant loses 25% or more of their body weight in a 24 hour period but she took after me, had enough weight to beat the clock while emergency medical measures were undertaken. My wife & I had to resuscitate her over 50 times a day, basically throwing her over our shoulder and banging on her back with a cupped hand to loosen the foam that stopped her ability to breathe normally. We could not sleep at the same time because resuscitation might be necessary at any given moment. I recall my older brother visiting and seeing this...the baby gasping for air, choking, lips turning blue and by this time my wife and I had been at it for so many weeks we just looked at each other like, "Whose turn is it?" She's our miracle child, she was one of the few to beat the odds with Pertussis. We never saw it coming.

When you marry (before God) the two become one. You no longer put yourself first. You make changes, you compromise, you place the welfare of the family first. I stopped riding motorcycles for 30 years when i became a father, finally got one last year when we became empty nesters. The wife doesn't like it but she accepts I gave it up for decades and it was a big sacrifice. Her stupid brother once put the handlebars of his motorcycle through his abdomen and she was stuck nursing him back to health for over a year. I understand her fear. But she's a good woman who wants me to be happy. Our kids are grown and one now has kids of her own. Marriage vows are not ceremonial, they are life-long promises. Dads don't get to put themselves first anymore. Obligations and responsibilities trump "me time" and any dad that chooses hunting over being present for the birth of a child is clueless about parenting. These are the milestones in life, the moments that bond you into a deeper love. If you aren't present the day your baby enters the world and/or there to help during the very difficult first months...trust me, your in-laws, your extended family, your friends and many more will look at you like you are a loser. A selfish, unreliable, self-centered boy...not a man. These are the guys who get swallowed whole in family court, end up divorced and alone. Don't be that guy. Be the rock. Head of the household. Family first, no exceptions. You'll have plenty of opportunities to hunt. Missing out one of life's biggest milestones? That's just pathetic. But many set the bar so low you need a shovel to see it. That's our society today. Entitlement over recognized Domestic Priorities. If you place hunting higher than family, you don't deserve either.



Just the opinion of a father-inlaw with daughters.

 

[PRC_GUY]

Congrats on your baby coming soon, don’t leave your baby home that early, spend time and help your wife .

 

[SWOHTR]

My input. This is coming from an active duty Navy perspective, with a wife who knows separation and independence for not days at a time but weeks and months at a time, so likely some similarities for those fire types.

I would not do an out of state hunt in your situation. I was able to go hunting a bit as a new father though. My big difference between your situation and mine: I was able to get away for an afternoon or morning at a time. I'd hunt local. Ended up with a nice whitetail that year. So, if you can do THAT, then yes...I think that'd be a respectable compromise. We got some meat for the freezer. Introduced our son to venison because of that experience. He loves it. I only filled my deer tag. That was it. I'd also take the dog out "bird hunting" for a couple hours but that was mostly just to get him exercise and remove him as a nuisance from the house. I never shot anything, never saw any birds, but didn't have any expectations to either.

If I was in your situation right now though, I would not go out of state. Do something more local. If you draw, you can donate the hunt. Yes it sucks for you but that's just it, it sucks for you and you alone. It won't suck for your wife, child, family. It will only suck for you. And if it "sucks" then I encourage some self-reflection to figure out what's important in life.

I'm sure Where's Bruce? can send you the link to the place he donated his hunt to last year.

Enjoy your child, enjoy the time! Just think, in a "few short years" you'll be taking that kid on early season hunts for their birthday!