Bonedalien
WKR
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2013
- Location
- Carbondale CO
Rokslide comic strip
- Thread starter Schnagelbagel
- Start date
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2013
- Location
- Missouri
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2012
- Location
- SE Idaho
I love these threads. All I have to post is a picture of Ryan with his hand in a weird place. Seems to be picking at himself.
COlineman78
WKR
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2015
- Location
- Littleton, CO
CrzyTrekker
WKR
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2012
- Location
- San Luis Valley, Colorado
Schnagelbagel
WKR
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2014
- Location
- Temporarily off the radar!
Schnagelbagel
WKR
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2014
- Location
- Temporarily off the radar!
RallySquirrel
Lil-Rokslider
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2015
- Location
- quincy, il
About split my sides!
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2012
- Location
- Western MT
I didn't know Yukon Cornelius was a Rokslider!
COlineman78
WKR
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2015
- Location
- Littleton, CO
Appropriate for a certain republican candidate:
[video=youtube;gOgQcyklEBc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgQcyklEBc[/video]
[video=youtube;gOgQcyklEBc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgQcyklEBc[/video]
go4thegusto
WKR
- Joined
- May 16, 2012
- Location
- Fargo ND
larryschwartz
WKR
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2012
- Location
- Annapolis, MD
Shot placement....it's all about shot placement!!! ; )
Grandpa and the IRS.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’
‘I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, ‘Okay. Go ahead. ‘
Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.’
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’
‘I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, ‘Okay. Go ahead. ‘
Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.’
HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if you were holding a baby. Position the right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks while holding the pill in the right hand. As the cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from fish tank and cat from top of dresser. Call spouse in from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from top of curtains and get out another pill. Make note to get a new ruler and to repair the curtains. Carefully sweep shattered glass figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with just it's head showing below armpit. Put pill in end of straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure that the pills aren't harmful to humans, drink one cold beverage to take taste away. Apply band aids to spouse's forearms and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another cold beverage. Place cat in cupboard, closing door on neck, leaving just the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with a rubber band.
11. Retrieve screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Get several cold beverages and drink two. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot. Have another cold beverage.
12. Call Fire Department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who drove into the fence to avoid hitting cat running across the road. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little #$%^%**#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from the shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume the remainder of your cold beverages. Get spouse to drive you to the Emergency Room, sit quietly while the doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop to order new table on the way home.
15. Arrange for the local animal rescue place to come and collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if you were holding a baby. Position the right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks while holding the pill in the right hand. As the cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from fish tank and cat from top of dresser. Call spouse in from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from top of curtains and get out another pill. Make note to get a new ruler and to repair the curtains. Carefully sweep shattered glass figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with just it's head showing below armpit. Put pill in end of straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure that the pills aren't harmful to humans, drink one cold beverage to take taste away. Apply band aids to spouse's forearms and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another cold beverage. Place cat in cupboard, closing door on neck, leaving just the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with a rubber band.
11. Retrieve screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Get several cold beverages and drink two. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot. Have another cold beverage.
12. Call Fire Department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who drove into the fence to avoid hitting cat running across the road. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little #$%^%**#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from the shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume the remainder of your cold beverages. Get spouse to drive you to the Emergency Room, sit quietly while the doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop to order new table on the way home.
15. Arrange for the local animal rescue place to come and collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
6mm Remington
WKR
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2012
- Location
- Western Montana
BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!
You guys just never learn, do not tick off the little lady.
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!
You guys just never learn, do not tick off the little lady.
BackcountryMT
WKR
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2013
- Location
- Bitteroot Valley
prostaff starter kit.
orionthehunter1
WKR
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2012
- Location
- SW Colorado
^ best one yet
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