Money or Happiness

[birdman22]

I have been with the same company for 18 years and make a very good salary. A salary that I could not replicate if I decided to leave the company. I drive a desk for 50 hours a week.
The problem I've been having for the past couple years is I just can't get myself "motivated" to get going at work. I'm not enjoying working with the coworkers, not enjoying the industry anymore, and not really enjoying who I am at work.
If i was single or childless this debate might be easier, but my wife and i have 2 kids under 4 years old. At this point we could cover college tuition for the both of them. If i worked this job for another 20 years we could essentially set them up for life.
The feeling comes and goes but I'm constantly day dreaming about quitting this to pursue a more meaningful career, that would result in a significantly lower income, that i imagine would be more fulfilling but that's not guaranteed either.
In my mind i can justify staying for the money and my families financial future at the expense of my happiness (my happiness at work, outside of that I love life, but work is a big part of life). But I can also justify leaving knowing that my family will still be comfortable and I could potentially be a better father and husband.
I realize this is a good predicament to be in. Never gotten anyone's thoughts on this

 

[*zap*]

what is in front of your face is your life

 

[CorbLand]

Always a tough call when it comes to the "balance."

I had a job that I hated and was able to find something that resulted in no net loss of income, which made it an easy decision. Even if I had to take a hit financially I probably would have made the jump for the simple fact of, I dont wish I died in a car wreck on my way to work anymore.

The old "money cant buy happiness" is true but its also hard to be happy when you cant pay your bills. I always say "money buys happiness but you dont have to have money to be happy."

The one thing I have seen happen is that generally guys dont require much to be happy. I tell my wife all the time that if it was just me, I would build a shop, with a place to live above it but that wouldnt make her happy, so we have a house. What ever you do, make sure that your wife is on board and willing to make the sacrifices.

As for the kids, I am all for setting them up for success in the future but they spell love TIME so you need to take that into account. My dad passed away when I was young and I would live in a trailer park, with a car that has 3 wheels for the rest of my life to be able to call him and do things with him. The financial security that you could give them would be nice but I wouldnt do it at the expense of a relationship.

Could you keep your same job for about five more years but live like you would if you jumped to something new for less pay? If you can do that, it would give you an idea of whether or not it was actually feasible and make you happy. You could also take the extra money and use it to offset your life if you do decide to take a lower paying job.

 

[MallardSX2]

Dude....you got kids.

Man up and work that crummy dependable job for another 20 years and take care of your family. Money is going to be a VERY important part of your family's future and in the upcoming years with the rising costs of EVERYTHING it will be more important than ever to make good money to continue your current lifestyle.

I came from northing, and I would never want to go back to it. I would rather have money. Being broke sucked and to be honest it was super stressful wondering how I was going to make my standard bills.

 

[chasewild]

I left my private law firm to work as an AG and I don't regret it at all.

Could you lateral to a new company that would provide temporary relief? Buy yourself 5 more years?

How much do you want to set up your kids?

How soon could you get to a point where you are going to be comfortable later?

How is your health!??

But overall, if you aren't inspired, jump and never look back. You are not the sum of your 50 hours. There is more to you and your life than that.

 

[PredatoronthePrairie]

Didn't have near those years in, only 6. But I dumped 30k in salary for a job change more geared towards my core beliefs. Hated the previous, despised the daily grind and mindset involved. Has taken some time to recoup the losses. But after a few advancements I'm getting close to where I once was. And have a beter sense of self worth to boot. Would do again in a heartbeat.

 

[Bwhntr]

This is a good post and I’m intrigued to read the responses.

I’m fairly young, am self employed. Do ok but don’t make as much as I’d like.

The upside to this? I spend a ton of time with my kiddos (2&3). My wife and I basically split kid duties with childcare being so expensive. She’s a web designer and makes great money but is only able to work part time.

We’re stuck in a tough cycle of trying to make enough to have a good lifestyle but also have time to spend at home.

It tough to balance and I’m honestly not sure there is a “balance”. I think I’m coming to the realization that one may have to be sacrificed for the other, which is tough because I love watching my kids grow up.

 

[S.Clancy]

You need "enough", whatever that means to you. There is a difference between "enough" and "more". That's not saying that you don't continue to better yourself but doing so at the sacrifice of a lot of time is a mistake, IMO.

The people that I know that only chase $$$ (no matter their justification) are the most unhappy people I know. If you are unhappy you are going to raise unhappy kids.

 

[MattB]

As a retort to “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, sometimes you need to water your own lawn. Dig deep and see if there is a way for you to take more ownership of your situation and improve your happiness at work.

Perhaps a modified role or a new role at the same company? I hit a spot where I was treading water at work but was able to move into a similar role with more responsibility and it added 5-7 years to the tolerability of my career. Learned more and did more in that last stretch than in the previous 15+ years.

 

[Jimmy]

I wouldn't save enough for my kids college if it cost me time with them growing up. Just my 2 cents

 

[bojangles808]

ideal situation would be take a small pay cut and a lateral move and get more time to spend with your young family. however there's too many unknowns with you specific situation i think to give you sound advice. Whats the alternative would be the main one

 

[CorbLand]

This is a good post and I’m intrigued to read the responses.

I’m fairly young, am self employed. Do ok but don’t make as much as I’d like.

The upside to this? I spend a ton of time with my kiddos (2&3). My wife and I basically split kid duties with childcare being so expensive. She’s a web designer and makes great money but is only able to work part time.

We’re stuck in a tough cycle of trying to make enough to have a good lifestyle but also have time to spend at home.

It tough to balance and I’m honestly not sure there is a “balance”. I think I’m coming to the realization that one may have to be sacrificed for the other, which is tough because I love watching my kids grow up.

There really is no balance. There is no way to do both at the same time. It basically comes down to what are you willing to sacrifice.

 

[180ls1]

You've identified a problem, now come up with a plan(s).

Many times the best financial/retirement plan is a job that you never need/want to retire from even if there is a pay decrease. That said, big incomes allow a lot of flexibility if you just "suck it up" for a while.

 

[EdP]

You need to be thinking about setting you and the wife "up for life" (ie: retirement), not setting your kids up for life. Send them to college, yes if they want to go, after that life is up to them. Do more and they will never learn to do for themselves and you have set them up to fail at life.

It is hard to fathom that there is only one company in your industry and that you could not find another company in the same industry that would pay you a commensurate wage. Even more so that your skills are not transferable to another industry. I recognize that you said you are tired of the industry but changing jobs might solve some of the other issues you listed. Beyond that, time with your kids is a very big deal in the long run and you are asking yourself the right questions.

I left an employer after 18 years when things changed at the company and long term employees were no longer valued as highly as new hires of the same experience level. My new job was in a different branch of the same industry and provided new challenges, better work/life balance, and in just a few years a significantly higher salary. It was tough to move out a house we had built just 5 years before and a community we called home, but when the frustrations of work exceed the satisfaction level, it is time to leave. Unhappiness at work will bleed over to you home life and you don't want that.

 

[alecvg]

I work a job that is fine, but I certainly don’t love it. For the most part I do like my co-workers, and I have a ton of flexibility to do the things I want to do outside of work, and spend time with my family. I make a decent living, but not fantastic, luckily my wife has a pretty good job, we are comfortable but certainly not rich.

I have had opportunities to take jobs in other fields that would bring in significantly more income, but require travel, and much much less flexibility. I have turned them all down because I really value my freedom and current life style.

I can imagine it would be much more difficult if your used to a higher cost lifestyle to then downgrade, but happiness trumps all to me.

 

[TheViking]

Unpopular opinion:

I am not working to "set up my kids". My kids are on their own. I will help them, but I am not saving tens of thousands of dollars for them to go to college. They can live with me on and off through college, I will help them with expenses (cell phones, car stuff, few bucks here and there to help them survive, etc) but I am not willing to pay for their college.

I didn't have help outside of what I mentioned above, and feel it molded me into someone who works hard and works for and appreciate what they have. I came from nothing, and my kids have MUCH more growing up than I ever dreamed of already.

As far as the work/life balance goes - I feel you. I work 45-50 hours a week at a corporate job that pays me much more than I ever imagined. There are some good days, but a lot of shitty ones too. The commute, the stress, the sitting at a desk all day kills me. But, it also allows me to go play mostly when I want to (within reason) during the fall, allows me to own some nice guns, bows, hunting equipment, vehicles, home, etc. I switched to a new company (same profession and location) that has awesome benefits (employee stock, really good 401k match, etc) and I am sticking it out for another 10ish years (I turn 40 in 2 months). I will reassess then. I live in Denver and it sucks now, only getting worse by the month it seems. Hopefully by then I can sell my house, GTFO out of here and get into something else. By that point, financially I should be just fine to find something else that pays way less , or do part-time consulting in my profession.

Sometimes you just have to stick it out, as long as it's not seriously bad for your mental health - there is a point where you absolutely need to make a move. If you're not there, buckle up and try to make some changes that help you get through.

 

[Nockdown]

I work hard so I have the means for the life I want.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[BadEarth]

You need to be thinking about setting you and the wife "up for life" (ie: retirement), not setting your kids up for life. Send them to college, yes if they want to go, after that life is up to them. Do more and they will never learn to do for themselves and you have set them up to fail at life.

It is hard to fathom that there is only one company in your industry and that you could not find another company in the same industry that would pay you a commensurate wage. Even more so that your skills are not transferable to another industry. I recognize that you said you are tired of the industry but changing jobs might solve some of the other issues you listed. Beyond that, time with your kids is a very big deal in the long run and you are asking yourself the right questions.

I left an employer after 18 years when things changed at the company and long term employees were no longer valued as highly as new hires of the same experience level. My new job was in a different branch of the same industry and provided new challenges, better work/life balance, and in just a few years a significantly higher salary. It was tough to move out a house we had built just 5 years before and a community we called home, but when the frustrations of work exceed the satisfaction level, it is time to leave. Unhappiness at work will bleed over to you home life and you don't want that.

Perfectly said. I’m glad my parents didn’t set me up for life. I’ve had to work my tail off to pay for college, and am still working on the last of my debt. I worked a heck of a lot harder and learned a lot more about responsibility when it was all on me. Raise your kids right and help where you can and they’ll be successful.

 

[180ls1]

Smaller investments in kids at younger ages are far more influential than larger investments later in life. That goes for time and money.

Many times helping kids get through college, into a quality career or into their first house is FAR more impactful than leaving them $800K inheritance when you die and they are 60.

 

[Sccritterkiller]

I am in the same boat...17 yrs, I would love to move on but I got a pile of RSAs I would lose, plus who wants to give up 33 days of PTO and start over with 10 or whatever....so back in summer I drew a hard line between work and home...I even took work email off my phone, I put in 8 hrs a day no more no less. Nobody at work has even noticed and it has made a huge difference in my work life balance. I need 3 more years until I can retire from the company. Then I will go do something else on my terms.
There is a middle ground.
Good Luck!