Man, where to start. This trip ended in a way that not once in all of all my planning, prep, etc. did I think about it going like this. But, I felt this thread needed a follow up or conclusion.
I headed out at dark thirty Wednesday morning and drove straight through to my general hunting area. It was an oddly easy drive since I was only stopping when I needed to, mainly for fuel. On the drive out I felt a little "off"; chilled but my face hot, like when you get wind burnt maybe. One flag was I couldn't drink coffee, just didn't sound or taste good. I loooove coffee. I camped next to the truck Wednesday night on a lower elevation piece of BLM. Just in case luck was out there, I glassed some of the lower timber and hillsides before dark. Got some OK sleep and was up before the sun on Thursday to get some scouting done.
Thursday morning I felt kind of flu-like, and I didn't think much of it. I always have that first day of altitude/cooler weather transition when I'm out west but that's always been the end of it and never anything severe. I had 3 primary spots I was interested in looking at/hunting and from 1 to 3 they started deeper in the unit and worked their way out. Potential heavy snowfall and pretty high winds were expected for the deeper areas so I decided to scout them in reverse order, working my way in deeper instead of burning time in deeper and potentially getting snowed out (or in) before opening morning. I started feeling worse as the day went. Being alone, I was keeping an eye on potential altitude issues, but again, it just didn't feel like altitude. I pretty much forced myself to drink water and eat and not go too hard in case it was indeed altitude, though I've been much higher many times.
I went up to my first glassing spot, a moderate hike. The wind was ripping, but it wasn't super cold. The glassing spot wasn't what I expected so I moved on to the next, if even to check it out for evening glassing and come back to it. It wasn't that cold out but I was feeling that frozen to the core feeling you get when you're sick; you know the feeling I'm talking about. I got a hot drink in me and tried to eat a bit more. I checked out glassing spot #2 and it looked better and I decided to stick with it for the evening.
Friday morning I woke up feeling worse, again. I went ahead with my plans, slugging along and finally in the late afternoon I had the conversation with myself that I had been putting off in hopes that it would turn a corner for the better. Was I just plain sick? It felt like it. Was altitude potentially making it worse? Maybe, probably. Best case scenario, going at the rate I was going could I get a bull out if I killed one Saturday morning? Not optimistic. Did I honestly feel I'd be better or worse after another night out, even with my heated shelter? Better felt unlikely, I was just weak. I felt like the pretty easy hike to the glassing spot was going to be a push. Biggest question: after all of this planning and expense and time and effort and travel, do you 100% feel like the best thing to do is pack up? And can you get back home and be 100% sure that you felt you made the right call? I sat there for about an hour out of the wind and accepted what I didn't want to: I was leaving before the season even started.
I said many choice words, felt furious, defeated, even ashamed of myself in a way. Never in my mind did I picture this. I headed out of Colorado and at every opportunity re-asked myself most of the above questions. The answers were the same.
My hunch was right, I was/am flat out sick. I've been out of bed a handful of times over the weekend, finally eating somewhat normally again and long enough to make this post, which I'd like to not be making. I'm not sick very often, but when it happens, I go for broke. If there's any positive out of this it might be that I was indeed solo and wasn't drastically affecting someone else's hunt.
I can't thank everyone that offered a kind word, PMs phone calls, etc. enough. I can't convey my disappointment. Rokslide is an awesome community. I hope you guys are all out notching tags. I'm going back to bed.
-Adam