Ha Ha Ha - Joke!

[Billy Goat]

Two Californians decided to try hunting for the first time, and separated to increases their chances.

What if we get lost?

Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour, I saw it on TV.

Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of Search and Rescue.

Did you do what I said? asked the friend with the rescue team.

Yeah, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows.

 

[Ucsdryder]

Every joke I know will get me banned from rokslide…

 

[ndayton]

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.

The first boy came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready.

The second boy came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go".

The third boy came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.

 

[JBrew]

Customer walks into a lumber yard:
Clerk: what can i help you with
Customer: I need a 4x2
Clerk: You mean a 2x4?
Cust: Let me check...comes back in a few minutes...Yes, a 2x4
Clerk: How long to you need it
Cust: Let me check...comes back a few minutes later
....We're building a house so i'll need it a while.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

I went in for my annual physical, they told me my regular Dr. was not in for the day, would it be ok to see another Dr. I didn't want to come back later so I said no problem. They gave me one of those gowns no body knows how to put on with any modesty. When the Dr. walked in, WOW, late thirties, brown hair blue eyes and a lot of cleavage showing. She looked at my chart with the results of my last blood work up and told me everything looks fine but I would need to stop masturbating, when I asked why, she said she didn't want me to get any on her shoes.

 

[flatlanderhuffandpuff]

What do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef.



What do you call a cow with 2 legs?


Lean beef.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

What do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef.



What do you call a cow with 2 legs?


Lean beef.

That will be 15 yards and loss of down.

 

[Billy Goat]

Where does virgin wool come from?



The ugly ones

 

[GSPHUNTER]

Mt grandma use to make bean soup but would only ever use 239 beans. On day I asked why not 240, she said exactly, it would make it too forty.

 

[Davidson51]

Two cannibals are eating a cadaver, one starts at the feet, one starts at the head.

A little while later the first one lifts his head up with a grin and says, "I'm having a ball." The other one says "you're eating too fast."

 

[Wapiti1]

Since I am an engineer and by biologic decree not funny, I offer some political humor from Ronny Reagan.

Jeremy

 

[Robster]

What are boobs without nipples?



pointless

 

[TxxAgg]

What are boobs without nipples?



pointless

How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

Since I am an engineer and by biologic decree not funny, I offer some political humor from Ronny Reagan.

Jeremy

I meant a guy and he calmed to be an engineer. I later saw him laughing, I knew then he was lying.

 

[TxxAgg]

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig (say it slowly)

 

[Where's Bruce?]

How can you tell when a woman is completely sexually satisfied?

Don't know?

That's sad.

 

[cnelk]

A 3 legged dog walked into a bar and told the bartender...

"Im looking for the man who shot my Pa...."

 

[AZ8]

What happens to plants located in a math class?

They grow square roots!

 

[GSPHUNTER]

How come you never see elephants hiding in trees.


because they're really good at it.

 

[ethan]

How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
two….trick is getting them in there