Balancing a new baby and a passion for hunting

[wingmanchris]

My oldest was born in June, so that year I did not hunt, at all. Maybe a couple mornings for whitetail locally, but that’s it. We learned to not change our passions around having a family but instead to bring them into it. We went camping, hiking, fishing, backpacking all before my son turned one. As kids grow make your passions fun and interesting to them. My son loves nothing more than to go shot his bow, go fishing, small game hunting, etc. This weekend we went squirrel hunting and he can’t wait for Saturday to go again.

 

[wingmanchris]

Also ... congratulations!!!

 

[jakeller27]

I have twin girls that turn 1 this week. I hunted about 25% of the total amount of time that I normally hunt. I’d say fishing took a similar hit. I know that I’ll eventually get back to it more frequently and I’ll involve my family when I hunt from a base camp in a local forest with a campground. When my girls are a little older my wife and I plan to take them backpacking too. Anyway, I think I savor the time I have to hunt more now than I used to and i try to make the best of it. I’ve learned over the past year that some compromises are worth making.

 

[WCB]

Our little girl turns 8 months old today. At 3 months we took our normally trip out west for two weeks strapped her on our chest and went fly fishing. She hit 8 states with us and the only thing different was having to pull over to change diapers and feed her.

I hunted as my normal amount this year Montana 1 week, Wyoming 1 week, and South Dakota 1 week. Also, weekend hunting around home or week days after work. My wife also made her normal upland hunting trips to the cabin and to the Dakotas. She sacrificed an out west trip this year due to not wanting to leave the baby when she was only 5-6 months old.

We discussed it before hand and made a point that our life is not going to revolve around our kids. They will do what we do. The main changes are things like when at the cabin she goes grouse hunting and I'll watch the baby and not go with or switch and each hunt a half day. obviously we tweak schedules and impulsive trips are now a discussion instead of a quick FYI.

My limited experience of 8 months which has worked out fine for us is keep it as normal as possible. Obviously all this goes out the window if there is any health issues with momma or the baby, but that is a different situation all together.

 

[TreGrizz]

my wife and I had our first child 2 weeks ago. This doesnt make me an authority by any means, but Im living what you are going through right now.

In my opinion, now is not a good time to talk to your wife about this. She likely is worrying about the pregnancy, work situation, your deployment, etc., and adding something like a hunting trip just compounds the problem. Once you have a healthy little one, and some of those worries go away, then have the conversation.

Also, please feel free to PM me if you need to vent. I never anticipated how hard emotionally it can be to care for a newborn. I am just now 2 weeks later feeling relief from anxiousness, stress, sleep deprivation, etc. It was a rough 2 weeks and talking about it to my spouse and friends helped out a lot.

 

[Lonald]

Wife is 2.5 months pregnant. Somehow got on the discussion of hunting post birth... she has some friends whose husbands are pretty much assholes and prioritize things like golf or sports over their family. Gone every weekend, don’t help out with the baby, just expect their wife to just deal with the fact they want to get drunk with their buddies all the time. She was saying that she was glad I wasn’t that way.

I agreed, then somehow hunting came up and I mentioned, “I’d still like to do my yearly western trip, but obviously the family comes first, and that’s only if we can arrange child care with my parents, etc.” I certainly wouldn’t be golfing or in the bars like her friends husbands are every weekend post baby. I also told her I’d hope that she would get a break too when she needed it to go on a girls trip or whatever.

Well needless to say that blew up a bit, stated there would be no way we could afford it, I’m already gone too much with my career, and that by continuing to go on hunting trips out west after we have a family I was being selfish. That if we want time off from parenthood we should spent it together, etc.

A little backstory, I’m a career firefighter (24 on/48 off) while she works 8-5 M-F in corporate retail. I’m also in the National Guard as a pilot part time and that’s a significant time commitment as well. I’ll deploy for a year starting next June. To top it off, we’re in the process of building a house.

Maybe I’m coming here to vent a bit... given the circumstances, I completely understand where my wife is coming from. She’s got a lot on her mind, and the thought of a baby on top of it is freaking her out a bit. The fact that I can at all think about hunting post baby probably put her over the top. I’m completely sympathetic to that.

That said my yearly western DIY hunting trip is my zen time. My yearly mental “reset.” I don’t golf, I don’t go to bars, I don’t go out with the boys much. I’ve got very busy career(s). If I don’t do anything else the rest of the year for “me” I want it to be my 5-7 days in the backcountry. I’m not sure my wife really gets that. It’s hard to articulate really. This is probably the only collective group of folks that really gets that.

Looking for a bit of marital advice from those who have BTDT. I’ve got a great wife, that said she’s very much a planner, and the uncertainty of the future has her rattled a bit. Obviously I’m not going to push this issue for now, but how do you articulate what hunting means to you to your spouses that don’t hunt? How do you balance family commitment with the need to get in the woods?

Don’t give up doing anything that your not prepared to give up forever. Once you give in and don’t go It’s over. Obviously emergencies override everything IMHO lol

 

[cciliske]

I have a 9 month old son and my experience is that I scaled everything back to only gathering points for the next couple years as my wife also works. There's still opportunities to do the local stuff, but I've kind of tabled the big stuff for the future.

Honestly, its all about communication. You have to have clear conversations that lay out expectations and come to mutual agreement. Without that (at least in my case), there are going to be misunderstandings.

 

[lyle_destroys]

Wait until you hold your baby for the first time and see how you feel. Your wife and you will find your rhythm. I would caution you on having this discussion with a pregnant woman, especially with their first.

I agree, we try to plan pregnancy around hunting season but my wife is very understanding and a hell of a worker. You will figure it out after your kid is here, there will be some compromise on both sides of it but there are other things to worry about first.

 

[justin84]

Don’t give up doing anything that your not prepared to give up forever. Once you give in and don’t go It’s over. Obviously emergencies override everything IMHO lol

You must be young or divorced

 

[VizslaHunt]

Life will certainly change, but not to the extent she’s thinking. It’s her first. Just shelve it until after the baby arrives and there is some rhythm to your life again. Congrats, fatherhood is a wild ride and there’s nothing better.

 

[Axlrod]

Don’t give up doing anything that your not prepared to give up forever. Once you give in and don’t go It’s over. Obviously emergencies override everything IMHO lol

This will include tucking your children in at night every night.

 

[ofl0926]

So I can speak from experience with a 3 year old and 9 month old. Yes life changes and your focus should be on your kids. My daughter was born on December 14 and I was rolling out door down range on deployment January 17. I was back home 7 months later and didn’t hunt that year. I have spoken to my wife and told her my passion of hunting. She understood and just asked how much hunting. So I live in south florida and usually travel to hunt. Told I can scale it back to 1-2 trips a year. She said that is fine as long as I prioritize family vacations as well. An equal balance is health.
I went on my first ever elk hunt 2019 November. It was a 9 day hunt with 2 days of travel on each end. My wife sucked it up like a trooper. Taking care of two kids and my mom was living with us at the time. She said it was tough but she prayed everyday for me to have and amazing hunt and to harvest my first elk. First thought of mine was my kids every morning. It’s tough but you think of them through the day and it’s an amazing feeling. My hunt was a journey that I hope to share with them one day.
The best advice is communication. Yes I’m not going to lie, things will change. The change is amazing. Trust me, just talk to her.


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[Mike from MO]

The key to a successful marriage is to split everything 60/40 where both of you are trying to be the one giving 60.

That is an amazing insight! Not sure if it's an 'original' or you copped it from someone else but regardless...any couple that follows this single premise will have a long, successful marriage!

 

[OREGONBOWKILL]

It’s not about you anymore. It is a tough pill to swallow but put your in your time (invest) now and it will pay dividends later. My $.02


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[lak2004]

My wife is due in June with our first and we had the talk about hunting many times before. She knows it is about all I think about, but I know that family comes first. I don't usually tell her I am going to do something, rather have a discussion than a fight. I still plan to hunt this fall as much as possible, but that might get side lined, which is ok. My wife hunts with me so we are already planning a posh turkey hunt this spring for her and some fishing trips. My step father always took his kids along for adventures and I plan to do the same. I know some guys that would rather have that time to themselves, but I like to share my experiences.

Good luck and congrats!

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[hikenhunt]

Father of three, all are 5 and under. Lots of opinions here, so I'll share mine. Once you start having kids, something has to give. You are adding (something awesome) into your life that takes time to nurture and care for that you didn't have in your life previously. In order to spend time with your son and do your dad duties, you will have to spend less or no time doing something that you used to. That doesn't necessarily mean hunting, but it might. Others have said this and I've found it to be true, whatever you cut out, you won't mind, kids are worth the sacrifice.

Also, my oldest is a son as well and taking him on hunts is a blast. It changes the hunt drastically, but like I said, worth the sacrifice.

 

[idelkslayer]

I have hesitated to give any advice up until this point because I don't think I can do justice to the topic in all of it's nuance in a single forum post. My credentials are 14 years of marriage and 2 children ages 12 and 9. Both children were born in August and I never missed a year of hunting.

Communication and understanding are key. Ideally the two of you would have discussed these things prior to getting married and having children but for the most part couples don't anticipate all of the challenges that they will face during their life together. You need to clearly communicate your plans and goals to her well in advance. You can't plan a trip for months and then spring a fully formed plan on her only a month or two before your date of departure. It is better to let her know that you are planning a trip for the fall and then update her as each part of your plan comes together. She needs to accept that this is part of what makes you happy, and support you with the trust/confidence that you won't take more time/money than is necessary in your pursuits. In like manner, you will need to give her the same consideration and encourage her to take time for herself to pursue whatever her goals might be. That includes supporting her pursuits with time and money.

My wife's biggest complaint now is that when I take both of the kids hunting or fishing she is left home alone. That is her choice however as she has an open invitation to join in.

As for the parenting side of this. I recommend as others already have, that life does not revolve around the children. Rather, the children should be along and doing what their parents are doing. There is no better way for them to learn about life than to experience it with their parents. In my opinion, that means that if Mom and Dad are cooking dinner, the children should be in the kitchen learning by doing whatever is in their ability to help. If you are going grocery shopping the kids should come along. If you are building anything the kids should be right there with you. This will make every task take longer and be quite the inconvenience but it is good parenting and will produce self-sufficient children. The mistake I see most often is making the children the center of attention by enrolling them in so many extra-curricular activities and sports that the parents become nothing more than glorified chauffeurs, driving their kids from one place that is all about them to the next place that is all about them. The result is selfish children who grow up into entitled adults. I'm definitely not perfect at this, sometimes I chose the convenience of completing tasks/chores on my own to save time and frustration.

 

[sololearn9]

Father of three here. My two cents: It’s an extended-time period method. Maybe three hundred and sixty five days off, subsequent year three days, something like that. And you’ll should earn it, show (don’t tell) her which you’re dedicated to the own family, being a father, etc. That may take superb efforts but so be it. (Everything on your existence is ready to take notable efforts!)

 

[805Bowhunter]

Congratulations on what will certainly become an incredible adventure. There is nothing like being a dad.

I definitely have thoughts on this. I vividly remember having similar conversations with my wife. We now have a 3 and 5 year old. I remember when she was first pregnant, us fighting over all sorts of stuff about time, things we wanted to do, expectations etc. In my opinion, that was all virtually useless as we were talking about something we had no clue about. Once your child comes, things become very simple. I mean this sincerely. Kids, at first, are almost binary...they're either hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. It is so consuming that you will feel lucky to go to the market. That being said, it changes fairly quick. What feels like an eternity of something that is going to kill you, all of the sudden will feel manageable and you will see that you are actually going to live through it. There really is just no way to explain to someone what your life will be like post having a kid to someone who has not had a kid. Once your child is born, you will understand.

Now the reason that I say all of that is this. I feel like there are a lot of couples who get so consumed with their children, that they forget about themselves and their relationship to their spouse. They never get out of the grind I feel like I married a damn cool woman and we both set out a goal before having a kid that we would still be "us." We made going on dates post baby a priority, even if it meant having someone watch our daughter while we went and slammed a quick beer. As absolutely cheesy as it sounds, you need to remember why you married each other. A lot of people lose track of this when they have kids and it becomes a very rocky road. As we got further along and it was easier for family to watch our daughter, here and there we would go somewhere for the night...or even a weekend.

Some of the biggest advice I can give you is make it a priority to get your wife out of the house to do the things she likes. I feel like a lot of the frustration that comes between couples post kid is digging a line in the sand and saying, here's what I want. If you take the other route of, "I want you to go do the things that you want to do" then it will go much better. What your wife will realize, and you too is that it is incredibly important for you to be you. She fell in love with a guy who hunted and its best if you are that way. I firmly believe, and my wife also does, that I am a better husband and father if I am happy. She knows that she needs her time, and I need mine. The more time you have to hunt, the better you will be at home...and I really mean that. You may have to wait a year before you go back "west" but there's nothing like driving home from an elk hunt to your wife and kid. Think you miss home now? Just wait. It is actually one of the few things that may pull you off the mountain. There are several threads on this site about the biggest determining factor of your success on a western hunt being the relationship with your wife/kids at home.

There's nothing in the world like having children. Its so incredibly stressful and time consuming, but on the flipside, there is nothing in the world that will bring more joy and happiness to you and your wife. If you and your wife make serving the other one throughout the process a priority, it will make you much better for each other. Make it a point to give her "her time" and it will absolutely come back to you in the form of "you time." It may be minimal in the first year, but after that, you'll see that things will be back to normal. Before you know it, you'll be planning an Alaska moose hunt!

 

[Desk Jockey]

Revising my position here. Sell the baby. Split the $$$ with your wife and use your half to fund hunts.