Balancing a new baby and a passion for hunting

[beforethehunt]

I have 5 kids and am currently happily married. Give your wife equal time off and make sure you have her blessing to leave. If u do you’ll hunt better. I love hunting but I’m to the point I hate being gone from my wife for more than a couple days. I still do it but I don’t have the draw to escape like I used to. I also miss my young kiddos while I’m gone. Anyway, be patient and seek wise counsel. Most people have crappy marriages.


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[zacattack]

My first kid is expected in April. Me and the wife have been talking about it already that we still want to have our hobbies and what not. I imagine we will have a lot of taking turns watching the kid. I also may have it easier than a lot because her hobby takes up more time and costs more than my hunting or fishing habits. But who knows what will happen when April comes around and our kid is born.

 

[KoolBreeze]

My wife still gives me a lot of grief over hunting and we've been married 20 years. Our kids are teenagers. Before we married, I was what I'd call an avid deer hunter. I spent every spare moment in the woods during deer season. After we married, I completely stopped hunting. That was a huge mistake because she got use to me not doing it. I got started back 4 or 5 years ago, and I thoroughly enjoy my time in the woods now.

I help out around the house with whatever needs doing; cooking, cleaning, kid's homework, yard chores, or whatever. Also spend a lot of time with her. We also go on a family vacation almost every year, so I just can't swing hunting trips. But still she gets angry, gives me dirty looks, and etc when I go hunting. I don't mean to come across as an asshole, but I basically just got to the point that I just ignore it and go anyway. I don't hang out with buddies at bars or stuff like that. If I go out at night she's always with me and etc. So I feel like I do my part and if I want to go hunting I'm going too.

 

[Ellensburg]

I told my wife the first day I met her that there would ALWAYS be 2 weeks in the fall at a minimum that I would be gone. We have a 2 year old and another one due July. We have never had any conflict about me hunting. I work my ass off all year to provide us a nice lifestyle, and set aside "Family" getaways november - august. Sept / Oct are my time.

10 months out of the year are dedicated to work / family time and doing stuff that makes my wife happy.

2 months out of the year I plan vacation time for a week or 2 and have family stay with the wife to help.

Setting realistic expectations early seemed to be my saving grace.

Guess I've been lucky!

 

[chasewild]

I told my wife the first day I met her that there would ALWAYS be 2 weeks in the fall at a minimum that I would be gone. We have a 2 year old and another one due July. We have never had any conflict about me hunting. I work my ass off all year to provide us a nice lifestyle, and set aside "Family" getaways november - august. Sept / Oct are my time.

10 months out of the year are dedicated to work / family time and doing stuff that makes my wife happy.

2 months out of the year I plan vacation time for a week or 2 and have family stay with the wife to help.

Setting realistic expectations early seemed to be my saving grace.

Guess I've been lucky!

^^^This guy.

Take notes.

 

[Trypad]

You could just move out west!

 

[BuckeyeRifleman]

Hope everything is going well with the OP and wife...baby should be about close now, right?!

It’s good! Wife is indeed getting close. She’s been fairly chill despite being in a home building process, a deployment looming and being in the third trimester. The “crazy preggo lady” didn’t rear its ugly head until recently, but I’m doing my best to be patient and understanding, as I know she’s miserable.

On the bright side we found out it is a boy, which were both pleased with. Really looking forward to trying to foster his love of the outdoors as he gets older. I already can’t wait for father son hunting time, which is something I didn’t really get growing up. Hopefully he likes it as much as I do, but if not I just hope he turns into a healthy kid and a decent human.

Thanks again for the advice in this thread. My parents are both retired and helped us finish our basement as a living space for them to help with the baby, so hopefully sneaking away for a week in the fall won’t be quite too much to ask in the years to come.

 

[BuckeyeRifleman]

You could just move out west!

Dude we would both love to, but I’ve got a six figure job, and I’m 10 years toward a 25 year pension and I’m only 33. Planning on retiring as soon as possible at age 49, moving out west then using my Pilot’s license as a second career until my Guard retirement kicks in at 59.

We seriously talked about it, but financially at this point it just doesn’t make sense unfortunately. Hindsight being 2020 I wouldn’t have picked a career where I was so stuck geographically.

Edited because autocorrect sucks!

 

[Azone]

Dude we would both love to, but I’ve got a six figure job, and I’m 10 years toward a 25 year pension and I’m only 33. Planning on retiring as soon as possible at age 49, moving out west then using my Pilot’s license as a second career until my Guard retirement kicks in at 59.

We seriously talked about it, but financially at this point it just doesn’t make sense only unfortunately. Hindsight being 2020 I wouldn’t have picked a career where I was to stick geographically.

I get the living or being stuck somewhere that offers great job opportunities when you rather live somewhere else that offers great hunting opportunities. My wife and I really dislike what CA has turned into, but the jobs we have outhere with the pay and benefits they offer would be hard to come by again. Being the parents of three children, (5yrs, 3yrs and 3mths) relocating and starting over fresh somewhere is a hell of an undertaking, one I just would not want to deal with at this point in life. Having family and good friends around to help out when life gets shitty or extremely overwhelming is a lifesaver at times.

 

[swampthing]

Your in a tough situation there guy! It sounds like a good man you are. I went through a few relationships over the years and many of them ended because of my hunting lifestyle. When I did get serious with the girl I married, I spelled out my outdoor lifestyle to her and told her of all my previous failed relationships due to my hunting life. When kids came along I definately had to "give a little" When my son was born I took a week off work. He was unplanned and born in sept! I managed two full days hunting that week off! It sounds like your life isnt based off of hunting so keep working the your trip, her trip angle. I currently get 4 weeks holidays a year and the wife gets me for one of those weeks, I hunt the other 3. Once again, you are a good man! When your son [if yer lucky] gets older you will get to enjoy much more hunting time. Good luck and congrats

 

[SummitsCalling]

Some great responses all around. I'll share what I did since my kid was born this last December. He was a surprise to say the least, but a great one.

Unfortunately(I say this now) 2019 my buddy and I already had 4 hunts on the books, tags in hand ready to go when I found out I was gonna be a father. Luckily the year prior I took my significant other on one of the hunting trips, so she could see why it is I spend so much time, and dedication to this lifestyle. It's not a hobby for me, I literally think about hunting, planning, and everything none stop all year. With a kid on the way I know priorities would change, but I was/am determined to make both work. In the mornings we would hike up, and she would see all the deer moving around, the peaceful serenity of why it is I sleep out in the freezing cold for several weeks a year. She got it, but it was a conversation we had very early on. I too have no other hobbies, don't have time. Money isn't an issue, just good planning is required. On top of which she loves the taste of wild game, so I had that going for me.

One of the things we did was sit down and listen to the Newberg podcasts where he had the wives on, and what worked for them. Took some pieces of that, and incorporated it. She got from hunting time outside of holidays, family and such, I got to block it off. Rest of the year I could never say no...date nights, hanging with her friends after a long day, nothing. I would say yes. I also setup spas, massages and stuff like that so she can relax and get time away. We both work full-time. Another thing I've done is the day after I'm gone, I have flowers delivered with a note attached. Seems to work for now

When she was pregnant we sat and discussed the reality that I was gonna be gone on 4 hunts, I offered to give them up but she understood. I actually had two hunts planned before and after Christmas, I was stressed out to say the least because he was due in early December. I made the plans to be home for Christmas with the family, because it's my priority. I couldn't just turn the tags back in, tell my buddy to try and get his money back and all the expenses he put into it.

I'd like to say I was fully committed to the late December hunt but I wasn't, my heart wasnt into it sometimes. All I could think about was the family, but I was there for a purpose other than to just hunt. I eat everything throught the year, main source of meat for the family. It wasn't easy, the guilt of leaving her with literally a new born, but I know things would be fine. Daily phone calls, texts, etc.

It's tough to say the least, getting pulled in every direction but then I remember it's what I signed up for. This next year I won't be doing 4 hunts, that's alot no matter what. But I am planning on renting a cabin and having the family out with me on one of them. Do some day hunts, but be there with the family at night. Good time to getaway, relax get off the grid a bit. It's a balancing act to say the least, I'm not even convinced I have it figured out but I think the key is to be flexible, and always communicate. At least that's my two cents

 

[dutch_henry]

These replies have been great and I'm learning a lot. I'm in a similar boat Buckeye, we're expecting our first and the wife is about as far along as yours. Congrats man. Really.

Sounds like you're doing everything right. IMO, timing is everything. If you push too hard now, it'll leave a bitter taste in her mouth and that's no good when you truly need her signoff and approval. Now your job is simply to plant the seed and walk away. Tell her hunting is what gives you the capacity to be a good husband and good father, but it's nothing compared to her and your new baby. Tell her a story about how time away on past hunt gave you the space to "get" her and your relationship in a more nuanced way. Don't do it to close the deal, just as a matter-of-fact aside, when the time is right.

I'm blessed to be with an independent woman who has a good head for balancing couple time and alone time. I may be a rookie when it comes to fatherhood, but in relationships, I've found it's almost always better to suggest than demand. What we see as rights, they see as privileges. Make her a part of the decision-making process, earn it, and be thankful. Not much different from what we want--to have our sacrifice recognized and know our wives have our backs.

 

[archp625]

My wife and I had our first child 22 months ago. He was born March 27th. That first year I did not turkey hunt at all and fished very little. My passion is duck hunting. I duck hunted and or pheasant hunted once a weekend where I would normally hunt both days and take off days during the week to hunt. One thing I will add is the days I woke up early to go duck hunting I always said yes when she asked me to do something or go somewhere with the family. DO NOT EVER SAY I CAN"T BECAUSE I AM TOO TIRED. Fast forward a year, I still took turkey hunting off but mainly to get in time behind a rifle for an upcoming antelope trip to Wyoming. I left on a Tuesday and Got home early on a Saturday night. Like others said I was glad to get back to my family. I really missed them. Duck season didn't really happen for me this year due to floods and other work/family commitments. When she asked if I wanted to go on a family trip before my hunting trip I said absolutely. You have to play both side of the field.

Now she wants to have another child and I am not feeling it quite yet. Whether this is bad or not I'm going to reason with her on a trip to MT for Mule deer then we can have a baby. I think it will work but feel kind of bad about doing it. She wants a baby bad and I want another trip bad. I know that once the second one comes my hunting cycle will start over. Either that or by then my son will be old enough where she tells both of us to get out of the house and go down and fish the ponds.

 

[RazAlGhoul]

a new born baby and hunting ? Now that's what I call dedication.

 

[ChrisAU]

I have a slightly different twist on the premise of the OP.

My wife and I want a baby, she is in the last month of BC now.

Western hunting wasn't a part of my world until 2 years ago when it was my idea and I talked 3 buddies into going with me. First year, I had the only tag and we did not kill an elk. This past year, me and one of the other guys had a tag, I killed the bull in my avatar, and all 3 buddies helped me with a hellish 3 day pack out.

Now it is time for me to reciprocate.

And my wife is dead-set on having a kid this fall.

I feel like chit trying to explain to my wife that I want a kid but if I had to pick any time of the year to have one, all months are equal except for Sept-Oct. She really doesn't understand how I got 3 other people addicted to western hunting and that I would have a ton of guilt sending them off without me. Irrationally, maybe, but I dragged those guys around for two years and got a bull...I feel like I'd be saying "thanks guys, got mine, bye."

But to further complicate things, those guys have actually said they don't want to go without me. Colorado tag application deadline is Apr 7 (I think, don't quote me right now). How can I explain to my wife that I need to know if we are pregnant by then so that my buddies can throw a large chunk of money at tags assuming I'd be able to go? I know how, the only way is the way that sucks. I'll get told I must not want a child and that elk hunting is all I want to do...again. Really just venting, chit sucks.

 

[justin84]

I have two girls, 5 and 2. I didn't take another trip west until my first girl was 3. I didn't feel right leaving her with all of those responsibilities for 1-2 weeks. Luckily now my in-laws spend a good chunk of time with us in our house so I feel good about leaving for 1-2 weeks since they're around to help. My 5 year old started school this year and I was gone for that; which I won't do ever again. I'll leave a few days later for the trip and see my kid's first day of school every year. I love hunting, but my marriage and my girls are far more important.

 

[deadi]

Congratulations. My little guy is now my 30 year old hunting partner. My advice is to put your children and wife first. Kids grow up so very fast. I didn't do a western hunt until my youngest was 14, just did local weekend stuff. Hunting in some form will always be there, they are only young once.

 

[GreenNDark Timber]

I have a slightly different twist on the premise of the OP.

My wife and I want a baby, she is in the last month of BC now.

Western hunting wasn't a part of my world until 2 years ago when it was my idea and I talked 3 buddies into going with me. First year, I had the only tag and we did not kill an elk. This past year, me and one of the other guys had a tag, I killed the bull in my avatar, and all 3 buddies helped me with a hellish 3 day pack out.

Now it is time for me to reciprocate.

And my wife is dead-set on having a kid this fall.

I feel like chit trying to explain to my wife that I want a kid but if I had to pick any time of the year to have one, all months are equal except for Sept-Oct. She really doesn't understand how I got 3 other people addicted to western hunting and that I would have a ton of guilt sending them off without me. Irrationally, maybe, but I dragged those guys around for two years and got a bull...I feel like I'd be saying "thanks guys, got mine, bye."

But to further complicate things, those guys have actually said they don't want to go without me. Colorado tag application deadline is Apr 7 (I think, don't quote me right now). How can I explain to my wife that I need to know if we are pregnant by then so that my buddies can throw a large chunk of money at tags assuming I'd be able to go? I know how, the only way is the way that sucks. I'll get told I must not want a child and that elk hunting is all I want to do...again. Really just venting, chit sucks.

You don't explain that to your wife. You explain to your buddies that you and your wife are trying to have a child and if she gets pregnant they need to be prepared to do the hunt without you or not apply at all. Your buddies helped you pack out an elk on an elk hunt....that's what hunting partners do. Maybe you owed them a hind quarter but you certainly don't owe them being away from your pregnant wife or future child. Besides, if they are saying they don't want to go without you, they're really not that serious about it anyway.

 

[ChrisAU]

You don't explain that to your wife. You explain to your buddies that you and your wife are trying to have a child and if she gets pregnant they need to be prepared to do the hunt without you or not apply at all. Your buddies helped you pack out an elk on an elk hunt....that's what hunting partners do. Maybe you owed them a hind quarter but you certainly don't owe them being away from your pregnant wife or future child. Besides, if they are saying they don't want to go without you, they're really not that serious about it anyway.

Thanks, and yes that sums up what has been talked about so far. I'm just a head case.

 

[fightthenoise]

We're in the talking about it phase right now. As it stands, she wants me to hunt as much as possible. She knows how happy it makes me and that's as important to her as it is to me. I'm in a marriage where each others' happiness is the most important thing in our existence. She knows that men are wild, and we have been wild for millions of years. She knows the toll that "settling down" can take on a man physically and emotionally. She knows a lot of men sit at their desks and day dream about striking out, building a cabin, leaving it all behind, etc. She doesn't want to reduce me to that. At the same time, I want her to experience parenthood and marriage the way that makes her happy, the way she envisions it in her mind. So I'll work equally as hard to make that a reality for her. Of course who knows what route this all takes when we get punched in the mouth, but we have a good foundation. Also, we live in Colorado, so I'm not prohibitively far when I go "out west". So that helps.

The key to a successful marriage is to split everything 60/40 where both of you are trying to be the one giving 60.