Women and baby brain. What are your theories?

dutch_henry

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Mar 5, 2018
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My wife and I were recently blessed with our first child--a son who's now 3 months old.

She's proving to be an incredible mother. But dear LORD what is up with women and baby brain? Now, on a given day she is driving in the wrong lane and wondering why the cars are coming at her. Or heating soup on the wrong burner and wondering why the potholder is on fire. Or walking the dog by holding his collar while the leash is unused in her other hand. o_O All of this would seem to imperil a newborn. Meanwhile my situational awareness is dialed up as if I'm in the field, on a stalk.

BUT she can also read our little dude to a "T." With the slightest peep or cry she's up to nurse him from a dead sleep. And she has this intuitive sense of what he needs, and can remember his last feeding, last diaper, his daycare teachers' names, etc., etc. Watching the connection between them is heartwarming and absolutely amazing...and this is coming from someone who feels connected and deeply involved in his son's life.

It makes me wonder what your experience has been and if you think there's a biological, evolutionary explanation to how/if men and women change when they're raising a new baby. We laugh a lot and we're happy to have each other and be on this journey together. But they way we've changed, it feels beyond fatigue, to something more fundamental...
 

ODB

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You answered your question already. Her focus is on the kid, not anything else.

It's the same way i can walk in and out of a room with dirty socks on the floor and never see them and the wife is like, "Why don;t you poick them up?" And i say, "BEcause i didnt go to the room to pick up the socks, I went in to do XYZ..."

Same thing....

But try to keep her off the cell phone... the more distractions she has the worse it will be...
 

archp625

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St. Joseph, Missouri
My wife was and I the same way even after 2.5 years. She does stuff all the time that I just have to shake my head. I think part of the problem is she non stop thinks about our son so there are not many thoughts left, except for another baby. Its pretty wild.
 

92xj

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Just wait for that magical F'in month where the baby brain meets the start of PMS and periods again.
 

Lionhound1975

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Congratulations on being a dad. Concerning your wife, part of it is hormones and part of it is maternal instinct. Plus culture/upbringing can play a part. A lot of the hormones that a new mom has will eventually wear off but the instinct doesn't. My wife was so scared of all the articles she read about SIDS that she wired my son's crib up with a wire and bells so if he even rolled over, the thing went off and woke her up. We both lost a lot of sleep during that madness...

Things will change in your relationship, that is part of parenthood. And she will have a different relationship with your son that you do, which is how it should be. But right now she is so focused on providing for your son that she might lose concentration on other things. I think I became a lot more protective when i became a father. I was already protective of my wife before but when my son was born that went up. Which I guess from an evolutionary aspect makes sense too.

Being a dad is the best thing in the world as far as I am concerned and I would not trade it for anything. My son is a senior in high school now so things have changed a lot since my wife was rigging the cradle up to detect an invasion from the Viet Cong. My wife is still just as protective of him although he is self sufficient. But that is her nature and I am glad I have a wife who would fight to her last breath to defend her child.

I one time saw a female zebra trying to fight off 3 spotted hyenas that were trying to get her baby. She could have cut and run and saved herself but she stayed to fight to the end to protect her baby probably knowing that she didn't stand a chance. Seeing how many abused and abandoned kids there are out there, I wish more mothers had half the maternal instinct of that zebra mare. So be glad that you married a good one who takes being a mother seriously.
 

brettdunn7

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Just wait for that magical F'in month where the baby brain meets the start of PMS and periods again.

Oh god. My PTSD just kicked in. Thanks for that lol.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

zacattack

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Aug 23, 2018
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Mine is about to hit 6 months, I think about the 4 month mark is when my brain went to shit for a week or two. My wife’s was much earlier but man he’s starting to move and do things so it’s pretty awesome. I’m trying to convince my wife to let me take him camping this weekend.
 
OP
dutch_henry

dutch_henry

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Mine is about to hit 6 months, I think about the 4 month mark is when my brain went to shit for a week or two. My wife’s was much earlier but man he’s starting to move and do things so it’s pretty awesome. I’m trying to convince my wife to let me take him camping this weekend.

Congrats man. That's interesting about the 4 mo mark. I told my wife I want to do all the things my pop never had the time to do with me, and she's really supportive of it. Once he has better head control.
 

qwerksc

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Try two, my wife didn't sleep for five years...I think she takes it out on me sometimes...I kid...
 

Rob5589

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Exhaustion my man. I had it too being that we worked opposite schedule shift work, at night. Sometimes I thought I was losing my mindo_O Being a first time parent doesn't help. It is pretty stressful not knowing what the hell to do with this little nugget once he/she is home. Just help her as much as possible. Send her out for some alone time as well. Sounds crazy but, even a quick trip to Target, alone, with no real purpose, can do wonders for her psyche. It gets better, in a year or so. And congrats on your first!
 

Jn78

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May 9, 2018
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Man, if I don't sleep for one night, my brain turns to mush. After growing a human for 9 months, women get their bodies torn up during child birth, get like no sleep, and start making milk. I cannot believe they function at all. Sure, my wife did stuff like put her phone in the fridge, but I think I would have been more of a mess if I was in her shoes.

It seems like there were hundreds of nights that I slept a solid 8 hours and woke up to find out my wife had been up four of five times nursing, changing diapers, ect. I would offer to help and she would just tell me that my nipples were useless.

Right before our second child was born, my wife was hospitalized with the flu. Then our second child was born and when he was a day and a half old, we were still in the hospital and we got a call from daycare that our first child was sick. We picked him up from daycare on the way home from the hospital and he and I quarantined from my wife and newborn because he had strep and hand foot and mouth disease (both of which he kindly shared with me.) We don't have family nearby, so my wife spent about a week doing everything for herself and our newborn because we didn't want to get the baby sick. By the time that was over, she said it felt like her body parts were falling off.

It will get better once she gets some sleep and it is totally worth it.
 

Austink47

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Congratulations! Never underestimate the power of sleep deprivation, also nutrition. At the this phase in the game every little thing you can do to help is significant. 10 minutes of sleep matters to her.
 

DangerRanger

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Mar 27, 2017
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509
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North Carolina
Congratulations on being a dad. Concerning your wife, part of it is hormones and part of it is maternal instinct. Plus culture/upbringing can play a part. A lot of the hormones that a new mom has will eventually wear off but the instinct doesn't. My wife was so scared of all the articles she read about SIDS that she wired my son's crib up with a wire and bells so if he even rolled over, the thing went off and woke her up. We both lost a lot of sleep during that madness...

Things will change in your relationship, that is part of parenthood. And she will have a different relationship with your son that you do, which is how it should be. But right now she is so focused on providing for your son that she might lose concentration on other things. I think I became a lot more protective when i became a father. I was already protective of my wife before but when my son was born that went up. Which I guess from an evolutionary aspect makes sense too.

Being a dad is the best thing in the world as far as I am concerned and I would not trade it for anything. My son is a senior in high school now so things have changed a lot since my wife was rigging the cradle up to detect an invasion from the Viet Cong. My wife is still just as protective of him although he is self sufficient. But that is her nature and I am glad I have a wife who would fight to her last breath to defend her child.

I one time saw a female zebra trying to fight off 3 spotted hyenas that were trying to get her baby. She could have cut and run and saved herself but she stayed to fight to the end to protect her baby probably knowing that she didn't stand a chance. Seeing how many abused and abandoned kids there are out there, I wish more mothers had half the maternal instinct of that zebra mare. So be glad that you married a good one who takes being a mother seriously.

Growing up on a cattle farm & dairy (both milk and beef) it was really easy to see how different different mothers can be. Some are overly protective, some are not, some want nothing to do with their calves, some want to steal others calves they love them so much.

It’s crazy how different minds and bodies are led to different actions by the same hormonal swings (though they could be at different doses or timings)

Some wild animals fight to the death for their young, others leave them and go about their lives. Humans create concepts of whether that is right or wrong(for good reason), in nature everything just is.


To OP, been there. Enjoy it, smile and chuckle and hug your family. I do not have an answer to why, but it’s a hell of a question.
 

Azone

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The Far Left Coast
Watch out for postpartum, that’s a real M F er to deal with. I have three kids and my wife had it two out of three. It can be a living hell to deal with, communication and being there to help with anything is a must. But other than that mom brain can prove to be quite entertaining at times as long as no harm comes from it.
 

Wrench

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WA
Watch out for postpartum, that’s a real M F er to deal with. I have three kids and my wife had it two out of three. It can be a living hell to deal with, communication and being there to help with anything is a must. But other than that mom brain can prove to be quite entertaining at times as long as no harm comes from it.
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