Balancing a new baby and a passion for hunting

[NoWiser]

Congratulations! You're life is about to take a turn for the better than you can't even imagine. There has been a lot of good advice given so far that I won't repeat, but I will say that I think your discussions regarding this issue will go much more favorably after your deployment. Discussions like you had do not go well with a pregnant or postpartum wife.

For me, the key has been to send my wife on a vacation while I'm hunting. Then she doesn't need to worry about the logistics of dealing with work, daycare, meals, etc. while I'm gone. I put all of my expenses throughout the year on a travel credit card and use that to send her off with her mom during my yearly hunting trip. That said, I did need to give up my trip out west this year since I welcomed a son in June and my wife had to use all her PTO for her maternity leave.

Before kids I probably went on 20 trips per year hunting or fishing. Most were for just a 2 or 3 day weekend. Now I'm down to maybe 3 trips per year with just 1 of them longer than a weekend. That will change as they get old enough to join me.

There will be sacrifices and it won't be easy, but it will be worth it. One big change is that I'm more excited to come home than I am to leave for a trip now.

 

[TheTinkeringEngineer]

As a dad of two little girls, I did not hunt at all the entire year my when my first daughter was born. And to be honest, I didn't mind. When I held my daughter for the first time, it changed me and I found peace in just holding her while my wife took a nap or caught up on things that were important to her.
With my second daughter, now 6 months old, my wife is much more flexible. Especially when I volunteer to watch the girls so she can have some time to decompress as well.
A lot of the fellas here are giving you good advice. Avoid the topic until after the baby is born, see how you feel when you hold the new family member, and finally, adopt the "he/she was born in our world" mindset. Enjoy the adventure!

 

[michihunt]

Congrats! Kids are great! We have 2 and a 3rd on the way. All I can say is take it slow the first year and get the hang of it. Our oldest was born on 9/1. That year I hardly hunted and it was the first year I hadn’t gotten a deer in like 7 years. Got out more the next year, then had another kid. I went on a week long trip when she was 7 months old. This year, we are expecting the end of November and I am going to Colorado for 3rd rifle season! Going to be cutting that one close! All that said, I put family first, do my best to pull my weight and have a super understanding wife. Take your time, enjoy them being young as it goes way to fast and the rest will work it self out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Marble]

Being that you're a firefighter and in the service, you should have the vacation time. Your credit union is your friend here.

What I have always done to fund my hunting is have a small amount come out of my check and go into a savings that I do not have direct access to. I dont get a paper statement each month, no debit card and no checks. When I need money, I call and have them send me a check. It started out as a 200 monthly amount, but after my wife and 3 children started hunting, the amount climbed.

If you put money away, a little bit each month, then your hunting will be funded.

As far as all the other advice, it's all been covered.

 

[Back Country Hunter 2]

My wife is due this September, with out second kid. Our first was born in September in 2017. Do the math. I still went on three trips the year my first was born. 2nd season - 4th season in Colorado. I don't do anything besides hunt or things related to hunting. It is apart of who I am. Last year I missed the day my first born turned one year old to go on a muzzle-loader hunt. This year I'm only doing 3rd - 4th season. Think about your priorities and make it happen. It isn't easy though.

 

[MichaelO]

Congratulations. My wife is due at the end of August with our first.

Just tonight she was “nesting”. I waited until she was deep in her preparations before I brought up that the same desire that she has to prepare the house is the same desire I have to provide for her and our daughter. That’s why I feel the need to still scout and find a way to put meat in the freezer. She seemed just for a moment to understand my need to still want to be out on opening day.

That being said I’m forgoing anything more than day hunts this year and I’m working hard to do scouting now so I stand a better chance of early success. We have also talked before of getting an inreach as many of the places I hunt have little to no cell coverage. It’s a give take and I fully expect to not get as much time in the woods but that’s what I signed up for. I can only hope that one day in a few years my daughter wants to come hunt with me and then it will be a family activity.

 

[satchamo]

I'm in a similar situation. My son who's now 3 was born in June of 2016 so I skipped my annual trip to Colorado that season. It was hard to do but I felt it was my obligation.

I hunted the next 2 years both local stuff like whitetail, turkeys, etc as well as went on my annual trip for whitetail. And guess what? I'm still married and my wife expects it. In reality we are talking fractions upon fractions of days in the span of a life. In order to be a good father you have to take care of yourself and do the things you love and fuel your passion. You WILL be better for it. I also think it sets a good example for your kids on how to prioritize life.

But with that there are tradeoffs. I don't hunt early season at home anymore. I just focus on the rut since I'm gone so much of September. I also let my wife go on girls trips and make sure she gets breaks to pursue her passions. Also be present when you are home and engage with your wife and kids. That can make a HUGE difference.

My 2nd child is due here in a week so I again will be sitting out elk season. I know the dynamic of 2 children vs 1 will definitely change. But I can guarantee I'll be hunting locally and back on the mountains next fall. My wife knew who sure married afterall.

I will end with this... I'm reading allot of posts of guys saying they're wife "won't let them".... I'm sorry but you F'ed up somewhere along the line. No marriage should be governed by one side or the other setting restrictions or ultimatums. I think if that's the case you have bigger fish to fry.

 

[5MilesBack]

I would expect girlfriends/fiances to know going into a marriage who their future husband is. If they're getting married, the two should know each other pretty well. If hunting is a big part of a man's life......that's known as well as expectations going in. So, they bought their ticket, they knew what they were getting into, go hunting. That shouldn't be a surprise or problem to any wife. That would be like a girl marrying a military guy, and then telling him he couldn't deploy until his kid was 10.

 

[adamm88]

Do you hunt instate? Or just one western hunt a year?


I dont hunt out of state but come fall when archery opens im hunting every Saturday and day i can. The rest of the year i wake up on weekends with the kids, if i go fishing i have one or both kids with me, i figure if i put in the time 8-9 months of the year the little span of hunting season she will deal(she does get annoyed towards the end).

Your jobs are different but put in the time in the off-season amd get the break during hunting season. Meat eater and randy newberg have good marriage podcasts that may interest you in listening to.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[30338]

My two kids and my wife have become my favorite hunting partners. Nothing like it. It takes time and a willingness to sacrifice some, but if you do it right, you'll be set for life. Taking 2 year olds fishing and then later hunting sure made up for the few times I didn't get to hunt for other family stuff. I guess what I am trying to say is, worry less about yourself and more about them, it works well that way.

 

[Tobe_B]

Take some deep breaths and relax a bit. I’m an avid hunter and have been since I was four years old. My dads a taxidermist and I was literally raised in the outdoors, it was everything to me until I met my now wife. Now we have a two year old little girl and my entire life and priorities have shifted. I am still surprised sometimes at how my focus and drive to hunt has shifted. I took a few years off when we lived in California and my wife knew how much that killed me to not be hunting. Fortunately my wife is as drawn to the mountains as I am so we moved back to Colorado.

That first year I only went out and did a few day hunts, occasionally coming back early just because I missed my family. This year I have plans to hunt a few overnights. By next year I will he out most of the season. I’ve gotten my wife involved with hunting and plan to get my daughter involved.

It’s all about family for us. We do everything together. I have a horse shoeing business that keeps me gone a lot, certainly no M-F 8-5. I work for an outfitter that keeps me up on the mountain often. It’s a lot of being gone. When I’m home it’s all about them. My wife and I have a horse training program we operate as well. So every single barrel race she wants to go to, I take her and help with my daughter. It want easy at first, my daughter was a screamer, but it gets easier. Now my daughter has a pony and I’m even back to riding colts.

I guess all my rambling is to just let you know that while at first things will be different, they will only stay that way if you let them. Before my daughter, my wife and I did everything together. Now we just have another person to share our adventures with. They’ve gotten a lot tamer, but as she gets older and more mobile, the adventuring gets bigger and better. We used a backpack carrier for last year and this year. By next year we will be back to riding the mountains. Then come hunting season my horses are in shape, my wife is ready to be home relaxing, and I can go to the wild country and try to fill our freezer. Life is about balance. Love that little one and put your family before yourself, the rest will fall in to place.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[hayesplow]

go hunting when is is almost due to put to birth, come home with a hunting gift and present it to her. stay at home for now dude...family first.

 

[Wacm]

My opinion is you should go hunting. What’s she going to do leave you? If she’s going to leave you over a hunting trip things probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. In our younger days my wife has thrown temper tantrums about hunting and even told me she wouldn’t be home when I got back. You know what I did? I went hunting. Women will never realize how important hunting is to you if you stay home every time they throw a hissy fit. We’ve been happily married for 25 years. good luck and stand your ground.

 

[WannabeHunter]

Congrats! Hope the pregnancy and delivery are routine and boring!
I have 2 boys (5 and 1) neither the pregnancy nor delivery were boring unfortunately.

My father taught me that if you marry a good woman (which I did thank god) and love your family with all your heart, they will love you in return. Be an absolute rock-star of a dad and husband, and they will gladly make time for the things that bring you joy.

That's what I'm trying at least. And I go on my hunt Sept 15th. So I'm getting results.

But I hate to be the bearer of bad news, you and your wife have a lifetime of sacrificing ahead of you.

Side note: I always laugh about the pyramid cup idea. Do you think my grandfather who worked kentucky farms, served in WW2, and worked 3 jobs to raise a family really worried about his cup overflowething? My father was embarrassed to show him his riding lawn mower because he was afraid it appeared lazy. My father is NOT lazy and my grandfather couldn't have been prouder. I'm rambling...sorry.

 

[BuckeyeRifleman]

Hey sorry I haven’t been in this thread much, some great advice here I really appreciate.

Some context that I think is owed in this thread is that I just got home after a month long training in CA. My wife has endured pretty much her whole first trimester on her own up until last week. So having any sort of conversation about being gone again at that point wasn’t going to go well, given that as well as my deployment looming.

Either way, I think I’m going to “cross that bridge when it gets here” point as far as future western hunts. I think after I’m back home for a while post deployment and things normalize she will probably be more receptive to the idea of a hunting trip. The only good thing about a deployment is she knows she can handle me being gone, so at that point a week long absence will probably seem like small potatoes comparatively.

Either way I’ve got my two week trip to Montana for Elk coming up in Oct. I’m going to appreciate that immensely, given there won’t be any hunting in 2020 with the deployment and a new baby in Feb. I’m betting 2022 is my first real opportunity to get out west again after this year, but plenty of points can be gathered in 2020 and 2021.

The good news is the house we are building is on 20 wooded acres. I can literally hunt off my back porch once this place is built, so it certainly won’t be that I won’t hunt, it’s just my western wilderness adventures will get replaced by sipping coffee on the deck next to the baby monitor with a bow or rifle handy for the next few years. Not near as fun, challenging or sexy, but hey it’s still hunting right!?

As many of you mentioned the cool part is going to be exposing my kid to hunting as they grow up, and hopefully join my out west as they get older. My wife doesn’t hunt obviously, but she loves the outdoors. I hope we can foster that in my kid(s), and I’m crossing my fingers whether boy or girl they get bit by the hunting bug.

Thanks again everyone, some great folks here!

 

[Huntindog45]

So I have been incredibly lucky and handled this scenario pretty well. One thing I did is I took my boys with me at a very early age. And I took them often. Sure it meant I could not go as far, or hunt as long and success was limited (depending on how you define success of course) but it meant me and the kids were out of the house together. And now my son is a hunting machine. The real upside is My wife was thrilled when we went hunting. It gave her much needed time on her own. Something we both value. So on trips when I could not take my boys she was very much accepting of it. There was also something far more important that happened. My sons got to see and do stuff that many adults dream of. I lost my second son at the age of 8. The time we spent together are the most important memories I have. Spend every moment you can with your kids outdoors. Your wife and your kids will appreciate it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Ratbeetle]

My daughter was born late last July. While I didn't spend as much time out as I usually do, I still went out for a 3 day hunt in September. My wife wasn't crazy about that but she knows hunting is my thing and she managed just fine.

Just make sure to not be selfish and give her plenty of me-time when you get back. Having a baby is awesome, but you two still need breaks to do the things that make you tick. Hard to take care of your family if you don't take care of yourself...and you can do that without neglecting your family.

 

[JohnnyDesert]

Yup, first year I totally get it. But baby is due in Feb, I’ll be gone from June of 2020 to June of 2021. Baby would be a year and a half until I might go hunting again.

The way the discussion went it was pretty much, “You aren’t going out west hunting again until the kid is at least 10!”

That left me feeling more than a little depressed.

Women say some crazy things when they are pregnant... they call it pregnancy brain when their hormones are going crazy. My wife had some crazy logic when she was pregnant. We even ended up with a new car that now she swears she never wanted...

I wouldn't put too much stock into it, just give it time and don't press the issue. Once the baby comes, it will all calm down.

I had twin boys and another baby boy, a year and a half after... I hadn't planned on going hunting or fishing after either of them were born. Just be as helpful as you can and try to be understanding what she just went through, that will help you're case and if she understands how much it means to you, she will eventually stand down and be more likely to entertain you getting out of the house more.

 

[Bubba94]

Wife is 2.5 months pregnant. Somehow got on the discussion of hunting post birth... she has some friends whose husbands are pretty much assholes and prioritize things like golf or sports over their family. Gone every weekend, don’t help out with the baby, just expect their wife to just deal with the fact they want to get drunk with their buddies all the time. She was saying that she was glad I wasn’t that way.

I agreed, then somehow hunting came up and I mentioned, “I’d still like to do my yearly western trip, but obviously the family comes first, and that’s only if we can arrange child care with my parents, etc.” I certainly wouldn’t be golfing or in the bars like her friends husbands are every weekend post baby. I also told her I’d hope that she would get a break too when she needed it to go on a girls trip or whatever.

Well needless to say that blew up a bit, stated there would be no way we could afford it, I’m already gone too much with my career, and that by continuing to go on hunting trips out west after we have a family I was being selfish. That if we want time off from parenthood we should spent it together, etc.

A little backstory, I’m a career firefighter (24 on/48 off) while she works 8-5 M-F in corporate retail. I’m also in the National Guard as a pilot part time and that’s a significant time commitment as well. I’ll deploy for a year starting next June. To top it off, we’re in the process of building a house.

Maybe I’m coming here to vent a bit... given the circumstances, I completely understand where my wife is coming from. She’s got a lot on her mind, and the thought of a baby on top of it is freaking her out a bit. The fact that I can at all think about hunting post baby probably put her over the top. I’m completely sympathetic to that.

That said my yearly western DIY hunting trip is my zen time. My yearly mental “reset.” I don’t golf, I don’t go to bars, I don’t go out with the boys much. I’ve got very busy career(s). If I don’t do anything else the rest of the year for “me” I want it to be my 5-7 days in the backcountry. I’m not sure my wife really gets that. It’s hard to articulate really. This is probably the only collective group of folks that really gets that.

Looking for a bit of marital advice from those who have BTDT. I’ve got a great wife, that said she’s very much a planner, and the uncertainty of the future has her rattled a bit. Obviously I’m not going to push this issue for now, but how do you articulate what hunting means to you to your spouses that don’t hunt? How do you balance family commitment with the need to get in the woods?

The year my daughter was born I didn't hunt much. I wasn't worried about it because things have a way of naturally sorting themselves out. If I were in your situation, and knew that I was deploying the following year, I would want to spend every second possible with my family. Hunting should always come second to family, even if it is your only hobby. You'll be out West hunting again in no time.

 

[Jmitch1488]

I wouldn't sweat it too much at this point. It was super hard for my wife who is also a planner to see what life looked like with kids. And like has been said before pregnant women can be pretty crazy....Be a good husband and dad and the rest will come.

My wife and I were together 7 years before we got married so she knew what hunting/fishing meant to me and never expected me to stopped. My time has taken a big hit but it's not too hard to manage. My son is 3.5 now and we added a daughter last may. I have taken a few trips since but most have been fairly short. But when I'm home I'm home. I haven't been out to the bars in over 3 years, dont golf or do anything else. Fishing has taken the biggest hit for me but I'll guarantee I'll remember swimming with my kids when they were young way before whatever fish I might've caught when I'm old.

Congrats and good luck